


Two bros pining in a group chat~

by mangosmoothiecoran



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ayato is here now, Everything is Complicated, I made it, I will add more characters as they come along, M/M, Multi, Nishiki is a dick but a good friend, One-Sided Pining (for now), Slow Burn, Touka is a good friend, Uta is really gay for Yomo, Yomo is really gay for Uta, also angst, and like the manga, and since no one delivered, he is a good boy, hide is a little shit, i wanted a hidekane text fic, just tired, kaneki is a secret meme lord, lots of vine references and memes ahead, sorry - Freeform, there is a puppy now, this is a text fic, who is also a pure boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-06-01 04:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15135239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangosmoothiecoran/pseuds/mangosmoothiecoran
Summary: Touka and Nishiki are good friends but 100% done.Uta is a good friend who is totally not gay for Yomo.Yomo is not gay Uta.Itori definitely isn't that drunk aunt.Hide really isn't depressed and is not reciting vines to mask the pain.Kaneki is totally living a good life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay like I said in the tags I'm really only in this fandom for Hide. DONT LIE TO ME HALF OF US STAY FOR HIM TOO OKAY?????? Anyways if anyone wants to comment quick character bios for other characters that you would like for me to incorporate into this story please feel free to do so!! Just be a bit descriptive so I can properly make them shitty enough yet totally related to their character.

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(2:41 P.M)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Kaneki!

**Centipede Fetish:** really Hide? -_- why out of all the nicknames that one?

**Actual Sunshine:** :D you know you love it

**Centipede Fetish:** Do I really?

**Actual Sunshine** : D:

**Centipede Fetish:** Was there a reason for you texting me Hide? We are like five minutes away from each other.

**Actual Sunshine:** Ah right! Can I come over?

**Centipede Fetish:** You literally have a key to my apartment,,,,,,,,,

**Actual Sunshine:** I know just wanted to make sure. I’m outside

**Centipede Fetish:** wait what

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(2:50 P.M.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** TF is up with your name

**Centipede Fetish:** don’t ask

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Centipede Fetish:** ……..

**Toucan play at that game:** guess he found that video huh

**Centipede Fetish:** We’re getting off track I texted you for a reason

**Toucan play at that game:** Which version? The ‘touch my body’ audio or ‘sexyback’ audio?

**Centipede Fetish:** G E T T I NG O F F T R A C K

**Toucan play at that game:** touch my body audio then

**Centipede Fetish:** don’t know why I bother

**Toucan play at that game:** sorry, whats got you all hot and bothered today

**Toucan play at that game:** besides hide’s nudes

**Centipede Fetish:** im gonna ignore that

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide came over and my apartments a wreck and I planned on eating today but I know that still freaks him out a bit.

**Toucan play at that game:** Oh I see

**Toucan play at that game:** want me to bring something over?

**Centipede Fetish:** BLEASE

**Toucan play at that game:** oh my god DID YOU JUST????

**Centipede Fetish:** Read✔

  **Toucan play at that game:** KA NEKI

* * *

 

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(1:08 A.M.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide?

**Actual Sunshine** : Kaneki its one in the morning

**Centipede Fetish** : I know I just really needed to tell you something

**Actual Sunshine** : okay?

**Centipede Fetish** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRBQWYtlILY>

**Actual Sunshine** : KANEKI WTF ITS 1 AM

**Centipede Fetish** : >:)

**Actual Sunshine** : I AM PUTTING YM SHOES ON

**Actual Sunshine** : YOU BETTER HOPE YOUR KAGUNE WORKS AGAINST MY FURY

**Centipede Fetish** : wait are you serious?

 

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game**

**(1:11 A.M.)**

**Actual Sunshine** : can a kagune protect against a tired persons will?

**Toucan play at that game:** What the actual fuck

**Toucan play at that game:** do you know what time it is???

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki woke me up just to send me a vine

**Actual Sunshine:** im on ym way to murder him

**Toucan play at that game:** give me five minutes I gotta see this.

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Not Today**

**(1:15 A.M.)**

**Not today:** you better have a good reason for this

**Toucan play at that game:** wanna see hide kill kaneki

**Not Today:** address?

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(1:20 A.M.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** TELL HIDE IM SORRY I DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS ACTUALLY COMING

**Toucan play at that game:** get your ass out of the bathroom and face your bf

**Centipede Fetish:** whY THE FUCK IS NISHKI HERE?

**Toucan play at that game** : I invited him.

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide looks actually adorable

**Toucan play at that game:** he has matching shoes on at least

**Toucan play at that game:** but hes wearing boxers and an over sized t-shirt that says

**Toucan play at that game:** ‘I LOVE FERS’

**Toucan play at that game:** I think it’s supposed to be flowers but most of the other letters are gone.

**Toucan play at that game:** tf you fall asleep?

**Centipede Fetish:** I got him that shirt years ago…..

**Centipede Fetish:** he still has it?

**Toucan play at that game** : ffs, hes not even mad anymore hes just really tired

**Toucan play at that game:** can you just come out and say sorry before he really does get mad again?

**Centipede Fetish:** okay

* * *

 

**Not Today - > Actual Sunshine**

**(1:18 P.M.)**

**Not Today:** Are you and special boy dating?

**Actual Sunshine** : we are literally right next to each other?

**Not Today:** don’t feel like asking out loud

**Not Today:** so are you?

**Actual Sunshine:** No? why would you think that?

**Not Today** : http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/021/557/conceit.JPG

**Actual Sunshine:** -_-

**Not Today:** seriously,, you like him don’t you

**Not Today:** why else would you get up in your boxers just to tell him off?

**Actual Sunshine:** Am I that obvious?

**Not Today:** boi

**Actual Sunshine:** patronize me later Nishki, it’s too late for this.

**Not Today:** that’s what she said

**Actual Sunshine:** god I hate you sometimes.

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(1:30 A.M.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** hide

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m sorry

**Actual Sunshine:** I know

**Actual Sunshine:** will you come out of the bathroom now?

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m not mad I promise

**Centipede Fetish:** <https://youtu.be/IdtKbq3Omkw>

**Actual Sunshine:** YOUR ASS IS GRASS KANEKI

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(Noon)**

**Actual Sunshine:** aight bitch get ready we going out

**Centipede Fetish:** Is this how you ask your dates out?

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll have you know, some people like that

**Actual Sunshine:** but you’re missing the point

**Centipede Fetish:** why am I getting ready?

**Actual Sunshine:** Well remember a few months ago how I took on an extra shift at work? And our friend anniversary is next week?

**Centipede Fetish:** yeah???

**Actual Sunshine:** well after months of planning, and researching, etc,,, I have enough money and the perfect design for us to get matching tattoos!

**Centipede Fetish:** OH MY GOD

**Centipede Fetish:** hide you didn’t

**Actual Sunshine:** I did ^^ you can thank me or repay me later ;)

**Centipede Fetish:** when are we leaving?

**Actual Sunshine:** be ready in 15!

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**Centipede Fetish:** so guess what hide and I did

**Centipede Fetish:** *sends image*

**Toucan play at that game:** ARE THOSE TATTOOS????

**Toucan play at that game:** you actually got a tattoos,,,, with hide,,,,,,

**Centipede Fetish:** Don’t say anything

**Toucan play at that game:**  :(

**Centipede Fetish:** It was Hide’s idea to have them where they are

**Centipede Fetish:** symbolism and such

**Toucan play at that game:** All jokes aside

**Toucan play at that game:** their beautiful

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide new what he was doing

**Centipede Fetish:** I just have to live with the fact of what his means

**Toucan play at that game:** kaneki you can’t keep beating yourself up about that

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide is fine, he’s healed, and he’s still your friend.

**Toucan play at that game:** And I don’t think he’d place a tattoo that symbolizes your friendship in that area just for kicks

**Centipede Fetish:** thanks touka

**Toucan play at that game:** Anytime

**Toucan play at that game:** so does that mean hide was shirtless while getting the tat?

**Centipede Fetish:** B YE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/32e8041590bb3b320a7c8763b35bc5a5/tumblr_messaging_p832gf76fe1t3k69n_1280.png  
> this is the link to the tattoo I had them get. If you've kept up with the recent tokyo ghoul chapters, Hide's face is missing skin around his mouth and neck. To help clear things up a bit let me state where I have the tattoos:  
> Hide: Feather is on the back of his left shoulder and the birds fly up and come up to his neck and chin. Not on his mouth, but they're in that general area.  
> Kaneki: On his back because of his kagune.
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	2. what the hap is fukkening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter is filler needed to set up the next chapter! Sorry if it's slow, BUT HEY UTA IS HERE SO UH DONT KILL ME.  
> ALSO ANYONE UH DEAD AFTER THE FINALE FOR :RE?????? WHO ELSE THOUGHT HIDE DESERVED A BIT BETTER???? WHO HERE IS READING THIS BECAUSE HIDEKANE SHOULD'VE BEEN SOMETHING???
> 
> Thank you so much to the three who commented!
> 
> Maeple: Thank you so much omg I'm glad it made you're day!  
> Fairlyberry: where is the iHob reference?? i swear I wrote this pulling shit out my ass so like if there is one please tell me where  
> PlasmaBound: thank you!! i love you, im so glad you think its cute and fluffy^^ as you can tell I am doing more don't worry

**_Actual Sunshine added Toucan play at that game, and Not Today_ **

**(10:47 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** OKAY GUYS I NEED HELP

**Not Today:** why are you messaging me

**Actual Sunshine:** BECAUSE WE’RE FRIENDS AND I NEED HELP

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki is like your best friend though wouldn’t he give better advice?

**Not Today:** thank you Touka

**Toucan play at that game:** don’t talk to me

**Not Today:** fair

**Actual Sunshine:** G UYS

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU ARE IGNORING THE FACT

**Actual Sunshine:** THAT

**Actual Sunshine:** I

**Actual Sunshine:** HAVE

**Actual Sunshine:**   A

**Actual Sunshine:** CRISIS

**Toucan play at that game:** FOR FUCKS SAKE HIDE SPIT IT OUT ALREADY THEN

**Actual Sunshine:** what should I do for Kaneki and I’s friend anniversary

**_Toucan play at that game left_ **

**Not Today:** I THINK THE FUCK NOT

**_Not Today added Toucan play at that game_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** THIS IS LITERALLY TOO DUMB FOR ME TO CARE ABOUT

**Not Today:** YOU WILL STAY AND LISTEN TO FLOWER BOYS PINING JUST LIKE ME BITCH

**Actual Sunshine:** im literally right here

**Toucan play at that game:** FINE

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide just throw some petals on a bed

**Toucan play at that game:** lie on it naked

**Toucan play at that game:** voila! You’ll get laid in no time

**_Not Today kicked Toucan play at that game out_ **

**_Not Today added TattooDaddy_ **

**TattooDaddy:** what the hap is fukkening

**_Not Today kicked TattooDaddy out_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** NISHIKI STOP KICKING AND ADDING PEOPLE

**Not Today:** WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE UTA AS ‘TattooDaddy’ ????????

**Actual Sunshine:** I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU

**_Actual Sunshine added Toucan play at that game_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** TATTOODADDY?????

**_Actual Sunshine left_ **

**Not Today:** uh oh

**Not Today:** we probably should have listened to him

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide never leaves a group text

**Toucan play at that game:** like EVER

**Not Today:** oh boy

* * *

 

**Not Today - > Actual Sunshine**

**Not Today:** hide come back

**Actual Sunshine:** no

**Not Today:** shit you’re really mad

**Not Today:** Hide look we’re sorry

**Not Today:** Come back and we’ll talk about your boy problems

**Actual Sunshine:** why the fuck do I talk with you

* * *

 

 

**_Not Today added Actual Sunshine_ **

**Not Today:** Touka be nice we are here to help

**Toucan play at that game:** Gotcha

**_Not Today added TattooDaddy_ **

**TattooDaddy:** how goes it fellow youths

**Not Today:** WHAT DID I JUST SAY

**Actual Sunshine:** actually he can stay he might help

**Toucan play at that game:** HAH

**TattooDaddy:** why is my name that?

**TattooDaddy:** I meant it’s not wrong

**TattooDaddy:** but why?

**Actual Sunshine:** I really don’t need to explain myself

**Not Today:** no I really think you should

**Not Today:** what would Kaneki think?

**Actual Sunshine:** CAN WE PLEASE GET TO MY PROBLEM THAT STARTED THIS MESS??

**Toucan play at that game:** yeah nishiki

**Not Today: -_-**

**TattooDaddy:** let the sunshine speak

**Actual Sunshine:** Thank you

**Actual Sunshine:** So Kaneki is a ghoul

**Actual Sunshine:** normally we would go somewhere for our friend anniversary

**Actual Sunshine:** but he hates food now

**Actual Sunshine:** so going to where we would normally go wouldn’t matter

**Actual Sunshine:** I then thought

**Actual Sunshine:** why not cook!!

**Actual Sunshine:** problem you may ask????

**Actual Sunshine:** I DON’T HAVE FLESH NOR CAN I COOK HUMAN

**Actual Sunshine:** what do I do?? T_T

**Not Today:** ,,,,,

**Toucan play at that game:** ,,,,,

**TattooDaddy:** WOW YOU REALLY WANT THE DICK HUH???

**_Actual Sunshine kicked TattooDaddy_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide im

**Toucan play at that game:** that’s really thoughtful you really want to make this special don’t you?

**Not Today:** I agree

**Not Today:** You’re taking into account the fact he’s a ghoul

**Not Today:** and the fact he eats flesh

**Not Today:** and while that alone would bother people

**Not Today:** YOURE WORRIED ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO COOK IT AND THE FACT ITS NOT AT STORES

**Toucan play at that game:** youre a good friend Hide

**Toucan play at that game:** I take back all ive said about you

**Actual Sunshine:** wow guys that’s actually really nice

**Toucan play at that game:** I know some ways to cook flesh without it smelling too bad

**Not Today:** whats his favorite body part?

**Actual Sunshine:** I actually don’t know

**Actual Sunshine:** he doesn’t like talking about it around me

**Toucan play at that game:** anything internal is his favorite

**Not Today:** o.O

**Toucan play at that game:** he comes to me for deliveries

**Not Today:** duh right

**Actual Sunshine:** do you have any intestines Nishiki?

**Not Today:** actually yeah,,, some intestines, a liver, and like ten kidneys

**Toucan play at that game:** why do you have so many kidneys?????

**Not Today:** I have my ways

**Not Today:** Hide when are you planning this dinner?

**Actual Sunshine:** tomorrow actually

**Not Today:** you’re lucky I’m in a good mood

**Not Today:** I’ll bring em by tomorrow morning

**Toucan play at that game:** Ill come by around noon so I can help you cook

**Toucan play at that game:** when is Kaneki supposed to come over?

**Actual Sunshine:** he doesn’t know

A **ctual Sunshine:** it’s a surprise!

**Actual Sunshine:** he’s going to “pick” me up around 7ish

**Toucan play at that game:** perfect

**Not Today:** so can I finally ask why Uta’s name is “TattooDaddy”

**_Actual Sunshine kicked Not Today_ **

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(2:48 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** ARE YOU EXCITED FOR TOMORROW?

**Centipede Fetish:** heck yeah I am!

**Actual Sunshine:** are you cool with picking me up?

**Centipede Fetish:** don’t want to walk alone Hide?

**Actual Sunshine:** you know I always need a big strong man to protect me

**Centipede Fetish:** <https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DismalLoathsomeDrever-max-1mb.gif>

**Actual Sunshine:** never mind

**Centipede Fetish:** NO LET ME HAVE THIS

**Actual Sunshine:** nope too late

**Centipede Fetish:** D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has the actual dinner, kaneki being a gay disaster, and Uta most likely appearing again.
> 
> Come scream at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	3. Bros being Bros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bubble Ass is Itori
> 
> I hope her name makes sense because I sure as hell don't even comprehend it.
> 
> Its the big day! I'll be adding another ship into this train wreck soon

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game and Not Today**

**(9:57 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** guys im sweating

**Actual Sunshine:** I couldn’t sleep last night

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t think I can do this

**Not Today:** hide

**Not Today:** WHY

**Not Today:** ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS

**Toucan play at that game:** its almost ten am why the fuck you still asleep???

**Toucan play at that game:** I’ve been awake for an hour now

**Actual Sunshine:** YOURE SUPPOSED TO BRING ME INTESTINES NISHIKI

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE STILL SLEEPING

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT IF YOU GET IT TO ME TOO LATE

**Actual Sunshine:** NOPE

**Actual Sunshine:** NOPE

A **ctual Sunshine:** TONIGHTS GOING TO BE A DISASTER

**Actual Sunshine:** I cant do this nope

**Toucan play at that game:** WAY TO GO YOU PIECE OF SHIT

**Toucan play at that game:** hide calm down tonight is not ruined

**Toucan play at that game:** I will make sure tonight is NOT RUINED

**_Toucan play at that game left_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** why did touka leave?

**Not Today:** im not sure

**Not Today:** hold up someones knocking at my door

**Actual Sunshine:** k

**Not Today:** HIDE HELP ME

**Not Today:** TOUKA SHOWED UP AT MY PLACE AND SHES BANGING ON MY BAKSDLNFASIOOADAL

**Actual Sunshine:** NISHIKI???

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT IS HAPPENING?

**Not Today:** everything is okay Hide

**Not Today:** be ready for company in half an hour

**Actual Sunshine:** Touka where’s Nishiki?

**Not Today:** He’s fine

**Not Today:** be ready for company in half an hour

**Actual Sunshine:** this doesn’t sound good,,,,,

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > Centipede Fetish**

**(1:27 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** how’s your tattoo holding up?

**Centipede Fetish:** what is up with your name?

**TattooDaddy:** What is up with your name?

**Centipede Fetish:** we both know the answer to that question I believe

**TattooDaddy:** I must commend Hide for his naming skills

**TattooDaddy:** although I never thought he’d call me daddy

**Centipede Fetish:** CAN WE MOVE ON

**TattooDaddy:** im guessing Hide doesn’t call you daddy?

**Centipede Fetish:** Uta seriously what even

**TattooDaddy:** Sorry this is too hilarious

**TattooDaddy:** you two are dating right??

**Centipede Fetish:** uh no we aren’t?

**TattooDaddy:** wait scuse me?

**Centipede Fetish:** We aren’t dating

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide is my best friend

**TattooDaddy:** hold on

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > Bubble Ass**

**TattooDaddy:** DID YOU KNOW HIDE AND KANEKI WEREN’T DATING?

**Bubble Ass:** who tf is Hide???

**TattooDaddy:** WELL APPARENTLY KANEKIS “BEST FRIEND”

**Bubble Ass:** oh you mean the little blonde bitch?

**Bubble Ass:** dnsakj little blonde bitch

**Bubble Ass:** “Actually can I have uh 5 more of these little blonde bitches?”

**TattooDaddy:** you’re drunk

**Bubble Ass:** noooooooooooo I’m not

**Bubble Ass:** why are you asking about Kaneki’s dating life anyways?

**TattooDaddy:** well they came to me for tattoos and it was so obvious they were together

**TattooDaddy:** but Kaneki is denying their a couple

**Bubble Ass:** N O

**TattooDaddy:** Y ES

**Bubble Ass:** are your fanfictions ruined Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** YESSSS T_T

**Bubble Ass:** wait hold on Im still confused as to why you’re asking me about Kaneki’s relationship

**TattooDaddy:** you know Kaneki

**TattooDaddy:** thought you might have some info

**Bubble Ass:** I only know this friend of his because I caught him staring a picture of his phone when I walked past him

**Bubble Ass:** I teased him about it and begged him to let me look at the picture

**TattooDaddy:** your “begging” is more like forcefully taking his phone

**Bubble Ass:** rude

**Bubble Ass:** ANYWAYS

**Bubble Ass:** he said it was just a friend and left quickly after that

**TattooDaddy:** i see

**Bubble Ass:** are your fanfictions restored?

**TattooDaddy:** maybe

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > Centipede Fetish**

**TattooDaddy:** I apologize for my outburst earlier

**Centipede Fetish:** It’s alright

**Centipede Fetish:** It’s a common mistake people make

**TattooDaddy:** I see

**TattooDaddy:** seriously though how is your tattoo holding up?

**Centipede Fetish:** Fine, hurts still though to take care of it

**TattooDaddy:** Yeah back tattoos hurt a bit

**TattooDaddy:** I shall leave you alone for now

**TattooDaddy:** have fun tonight!

**Centipede Fetish:** Thank you

**Centipede Fetish:** wait how do you know about tonight?

**_TattooDaddy left_ **

**Centipede Fetish:** HOW THE FUCK?

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(7:15 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** Hey I’m on my way

**Centipede Fetish:** I can walk right in right?

**Actual Sunshine:** yep! See you soon :D

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game, Not Today**

**Actual Sunshine:** He’s on his way!

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m really scared

**Toucan play at that game:** everything will be fine

**Not Today:** please keep the freaking out texts to a minimum

**Actual Sunshine:** no promises

**Actual Sunshine:** FUCK I HEAR THE FRONT DOOR OPENING

**Toucan play at that game:** GET IT HIDE

**Actual Sunshine:** not helpful Touka

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > Toucan play at that game**

**(7:25 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** I hear tonights the night our two oblivious love birds hook up

**Toucan play at that game:** psh yeah right

**Toucan play at that game:** last time Kaneki got laid was when we had that one night stand years ago

**Toucan play at that game:** lasted ten minutes and we both agreed we didn’t see each other in that way

**Toucan play at that game:** since then Kaneki has been living life with an endless boner for his best friend

**TattooDaddy:** YOU AND KANEKI HOOKED UP???????????

**TatooDaddy:** no wonder he acts like such a virgin

**Toucan play at that game:** HEY

**Toucan play at that game:** you’re one to talk

**TattooDaddy:** I suddenly don’t know how to read

**Toucan play at that game:** bitch

**Toucan play at that game:** oh speaking of bitch

**Toucan play at that game:** mr. im hot for my best friend is texting me rn

**TattooDaddy:** DID HE GET SOME?

**Toucan play at that game:** no he’s just freaking out and saying how amazing Hide is

**TattooDaddy:** lame

**Toucan play at that game:** speaking of best friends and lame

**_TattooDaddy left_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** bitch

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(7:26 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** TO UKA HE COOKED FOR ME

**Centipede Fetish:** COOKED ACTUAL FUCKING INTESTINES

**Centipede Fetish:** HE WAS SO NERVOUS WHEN I WALKED IN

**Centipede Fetish:** JUST GAVE A SMALL YO THEN EXPLAINED WHAT HE DID

**Centipede Fetish:** IT SMELLS AMAZING

**Centipede Fetish:** im gonna marry this guy

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(8:00 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** DINNER WAS AMAZING

**Centipede Fetish:** pretty sure my eyes flashed a million times from how amazing it was

**Centipede Fetish:** DO KAGUNES ACTIVATE FROM HOW GOOD FOOD IS???

**Centipede Fetish:** oh god I’m so dead

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE IS CLEANING UP IN HIS SUIT

**Centipede Fetish:** WITH AN APRON OVER HIM

**Centipede Fetish:** I can’t do this

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(9:45 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** If I die tonight

**Centipede Fetish:** Just know it was because Hide killed me

**Centipede Fetish:** after he cleaned up we just sat in his living room and played video games

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide drank way too many energy drinks

**Centipede Fetish:** And somewhere along the way he took his tie off and unbuttoned his shirt.

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m not okay (trust me)

**Centipede Fetish:** Everything has been okay since then though

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide is getting tired though so I will probably leave soon

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(11:00 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** I AM UNABLE TO LEAVE

**Centipede Fetish:** TOUKA HELP ME

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE FELL ASLEEP ON ME AND HE HAS A DEATH GRIP

**Centipede Fetish:** TOUKA

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > TattooDaddy and Not Today**

**(8:47 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** *image sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** just bros being bros

**Not Today:** THEIR CUDDLING?

**TattooDaddy:** damn look at the amazing tattoos wonder who did them

**Toucan play at that game:** you’re welcome btw

**Toucan play at that game:** used my amazing pick locking skills to snap this photo

**TattooDaddy:** seriously how can they not be together?

**TattooDaddy:** Their holding onto each other so tightly

**Not Today:** I feel like Kaneki could wrap Hide up in his kagune with the position they’re in

**Toucan play at that game:** Oh my god you’re so right

**TattooDaddy:** I’m going to save this photo

**Not Today:** same

**Toucan play at that game:** Just remember though

**Toucan play at that game:** it’s just bros being bros

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Centipede Fetish**

**(10:32 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** *image sent*

**Centipede Fetish:** Alright so you’ll break into Hide’s apartment to take a photo of us sleeping

**Centipede Fetish:** WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION

**Centipede Fetish:** but couldn’t respond to me in my time of need?

**Toucan play at that game:** :D

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m going to save this photo

**Toucan play at that game:** You’re welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	4. Runbuns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yomo arrives officially

**TattooDaddy - > Candyass**

**(4:25 a.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** hey how’s it going runbuns?

**Candyass:** that’s not my name

**TattooDaddy:** Mm well we do a lot of running and I like your buns

**Candyass:** are we having a low blood sugar moment?

**TattooDaddy:** okay first of all

**TattooDaddy:** rude

**CandyAss:** any particular reason why you’re texting me so early?

**TattooDaddy:** I believe I asked a very valid question

**CandyAss:** if you must know

**CandyAss:** I am out hunting

**TattooDaddy:** You better be hunting the dead.

**CandyAss:** I know the rules

**TattooDaddy:** can I join you???

**CandyAss:** I don’t care

**CandyAss:** be on the corner in ten minutes

**TattooDaddy:** we gonna fight?

**CandyAss:** last I checked none of us have done something to provoke the other?

**TatooDaddy:** true but

**TattooDaddy:** its hot when we do it

**CandyAss:** whatever you say Uta

**TattooDaddy:** admittttttttt itttttttttt

**TattooDaddy:** we’re hot

**CandyAss:** five minutes

**TattooDaddy:** once again

**TattooDaddy:** rude.

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Not Today**

**(7:12 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** we have a problem

**Not Today:** if it’s Hide and Kaneki I could honestly care less right now

**Not Today:** what is with you all and texting at ungodly hours of the morning????

**Toucan play at that game:** it’s Uta

**Not Today:** shit

**Not Today:** what happened?

**Toucan play at that game:** he and Yomo apparently went hunting last night

**Toucan play at that game:** they didn’t fight

**Not Today:** but?

**Toucan play at that game:** you know Uta and Yomo

**Toucan play at that game:** One pair of pining idiots is frustrating

**Toucan play at that game:** Uta and Yomo will kill each other before anything happens

**Toucan play at that game:** we thought Kaneki walked through life with a boner for Hide?

**Toucan play at that game:** Uta takes the cake

**Not Today:** Aren’t they friends

**Not Today:** I don’t get Uta’s obsession

**Toucan play at that game:** no one does

**Toucan play at that game:** that’s why it’s scary

**Not Today:** what do you want to do?

**Toucan play at that game:** think locking them in a closest will make them confess?

**Not Today:** sure

**Not Today:** if you want to clean up a dead body

**Toucan play at that game:** these gays will be the end of me

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(10:11 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Kaneki!

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** okay think

**Actual Sunshine:** if you ate candles

**Actual Sunshine:** would you poop out wax?

**Centipede Fetish:** I would hope so

**Centipede Fetish:** but then again

**Centipede Fetish:** why would you eat a candle?

**Actual Sunshine:** Donna in Brandon Rogers said she ate candles

**Actual Sunshine:** and said to Sam

**Actual Sunshine:** that he could keep a wick lit in her ass

**Centipede Fetish:** hide you just gave me an amazing idea

**Actual Sunshine:** You’re welcome

**Centipede Fetish:** for the next hour

**Centipede Fetish:** we should only answer messages in Brandon Roger quotes

**Actual Sunshine:** what you didn’t bring yams but you brought this piece of shit?

**Centipede Fetish:** sorry mister I don’t have my license yet

* * *

 

**Not Today - > Centipede Fetish**

**(10:20 a.m.)**

**Not Today:** I have a question for you

**Centipede Fetish:** Fuck you that’s where there at

**Not Today:** Yeah okay fuck you too Kaneki

**Not Today:** but seriously I have a question

**Centipede Fetish:** in prayer group we put our crosses in our bodies

**Not Today:** what the fuck Kaneki?

**Centipede Fetish:** today we doing my signature dish

**Not Today:** WHAT?

**Not Today:** can I fucking ask my question?

**Centipede Fetish:** First I just wanna give a shoutout to my cousin

**Not Today:** okay apparently you aren’t going to give me a straight answer

**Not Today:** not like you’re straight anyways

**Centipede Fetish:** In the workplace being gay just has its perks

**Not Today:** whatever Kaneki -_-

* * *

**TattooDaddy - > Actual Sunshine**

**(10:30 a.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** So like theoretically

**TattooDaddy:** if you like someone

**TattooDaddy:** is it normal to want to eat them as well?

**Actual Sunshine:** I NEED THAT JESUS DICK

**TattooDaddy:** hello welcome to the park, thank you for bringing your fucking kids

**Actual Sunshine:** fuck.

**TattooDaddy:** don’t start with me Hide

**TattooDaddy:** you may meme but I invented the word

**Actual Sunshine:** rude

**TattooDaddy:** you and pretty boy start this?

**Actual Sunshine:** well considering the only pretty boy here ended it

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t think so

**TattooDaddy:** ………

**TattooDaddy:** <https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.476066743.5726/flat,1000x1000,075,f.jpg>

**TattooDaddy:** I need a man like you

**TattooDaddy:** that was so sweet

**TattooDaddy:** DOES KANEKI APPRECIATE YOU ENOUGH?

**Actual Sunshine:** I mean he is my best friend

**Actual Sunshine:** he treats me fine?

**TattooDaddy:** hmm

**TattooDaddy:** SPEAKING OF BEST FRIENDS

**TattooDaddy:** I want you to meet someone!!!

**_TattooDaddy added Candyass_ **

**Candyass:** Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** honeybunch?

**Actual Sunshine:** Hide?

**Candyass:** did you just say your own name?

**Actual Sunshine:** I felt left out

**TattooDaddy:** Yomo meet Hide

**TattooDaddy:** he is everything his name says he is

**Candyass:** nice to meet you Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** Nice to meet you too Yomo!

**Candyass:** wow

**TattooDaddy:** right???

**Candyass:** not that meeting Hide wasn’t nice

**Candyass:** but is there a reason why you added me to this chat Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** yes!

**_TattooDaddy kicked Candyass_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta?!

**Actual Sunshine:** what was that for???

**TattooDaddy:** I need your help Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** with what??

**TattooDaddy:** I like Yomo but like I really want to eat him

**TattooDaddy:** WILL YOU HELP ME? :D

**Actual Sunshine:** wait

**Actual Sunshine:** what?

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Actual Sunshine**

**(10:41 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** HIDE HAS UTA TEXTED YOU TODAY?

**Toucan play at that game:** IF HE HAS DON’T HELP HIM

**Toucan play at that game:** NISHIKI TRIED GETTING AHOLD OF KANEKI

**Toucan play at that game:** BUT HE WAS BEING WEIRD

**Toucan play at that game:** SERIOUSLY HIDE DON’T HELP HIM TILL I TELL YOU WHATS GOING ON

**Toucan play at that game:** HIDE

**Toucan play at that game:**????????????????

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are know where each brandon roger quote is from I'll give you a cookie.
> 
> Also the runbuns quote is from something, I'll give you two cookies if you know where it's from as well.
> 
> I found out from my friend a few days ago that Yomo and Uta are raging gays and Uta apparently has a bigger boner for the dude thank Kaneki does for Hide. So naturally I had to add it in. Don't expect them to be any sooner than Hidekane. 
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	5. THIS BITCH EMPTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO OKAY WOW I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED T_T. I hit a writers block and got busy updating my other fic and then I got hit with a one shot idea. I promise I am not abandoning this fic! I decided to take a different route with this chapter and make it more lighthearted with no "real" plot to it. 
> 
> This chapter idea was inspired by my friend who told me their cat is now wearing a cone.

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(1:58 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** okay before you call me an idiot

**Actual Sunshine:** let me show you something genius

**Actual Sunshine:** *image sent*

**Centipede Fetish:** hide what the actual fuck?

**Centipede Fetish:** why are you wearing a cone?

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta and I went to the pet store

**Actual Sunshine:** needless to say

**Actual Sunshine:** we got kicked out,,,,,,

**Actual Sunshine:** BUT AREN’T I HILARIOUS

**Centipede Fetish:** you’re wearing a cone

**Actual Sunshine:** wait hold up

**Actual Sunshine:** *image sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** may or may not have gotten this baby

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU BOUGHT A PUPPY?????

**Actual Sunshine:** buying is such a strong worddddddddd

**Actual Sunshine:** I more or less am just borrowing her

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE YOU STOLE A PUPPY???????

**Actual Sunshine:** OKAY LOOK UTA WAS DRUNK AND WANTED THE DOG SO HE CALLED HIS FRIEND

**Actual Sunshine:** AND CHAOS ENSUED BETWEEN THE WORKERS AND UTA AND YUMA

**Actual Sunshine:** WHILE NO ONE WAS LOOKING I GRABBED THE DOG AND RAN

**Centipede Fetish:** HI DE

**Centipede Fetish:** W T F ??????

**Actual Sunshine:** THEY WEREN’T TREATING HER RIGHT KANEKI

**Actual Sunshine:** I couldn’t just leave her there

**Centipede Fetish:** hide you have to take the dog back

**Centipede Fetish:** OR AT LEAST PAY FOR HER

**Actual Sunshine:** okay well I have a bigger problem

**Actual Sunshine:** uta is looking for me because he really did want this dog but im afraid he wont treat her right

**Actual Sunshine:** I may or may not be hiding on a roof somewhere

**Centipede Fetish:** this is why you don’t hang out with Uta

**Actual Sunshine:** I HANG OUT WITH YOU

**Centipede Fetish:** THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND UTA

**Actual Sunshine:** OH YEAH???????

**Centipede Fetish:** YES

**Actual Sunshine:** LAST I CHECKED

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU ALMOST GOT ME ARRESTED

**Actual Sunshine:** TWICE

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU WERE THE ONE WHO RAN OUT OF THE SCHOOL YELLING

**Centipede Fetish:** “TRY AND CATCH ME YOU PUNK ASS HOMOPHOBICS”

**Actual Sunshine:** HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT UP

**Actual Sunshine:** THAT WAS FOR A WORTHY CAUSE

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE IT WAS A SCHOOL PLAY FOR ROMEO AND JULIET

**Actual Sunshine:** FORCED HETEROSEXUALIZATION

**Centipede Fetish:** SCHOOL PLAY HIDE THEY HAVE NO CHOICE

**Actual Sunshine:** I DON’T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS

**Actual Sunshine:** ME AND MY NEW CHILD WILL BE QUIET HAPPY ON THIS ROOF FOREVER

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU NEED TO AT LEAST PAY FOR HER

**Actual Sunshine:** I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE AGAIN AT THAT PET STORE

**Actual Sunshine:** IM A WANTED MAN NOW KANEKI

**Centipede Fetish:** FINE ILL GO PAY

**Actual Sunshine:** WAIT NO

**Actual Sunshine:** COME SAVE ME FIRST

**Centipede Fetish:** SORRY I CANT HEAR YOU

**Centipede Fetish:** TOO BUSY TRYING TO BE A GOOD PERSON

**Actual Sunshine:** KANEKI DON’T BE MEAN

**Actual Sunshine:** IF UTA FINDS ME HE’LL EAT ME

**Actual Sunshine:** OR WORSE

**Centipede Fetish:** CONNECTION IS FADING

**Actual Sunshine:** KA NE KI

* * *

 

Kaneki sighed as he walked into the only pet store within a ten-mile radius of where Hide lived. If Uta and Hide went to any store, it would have been this one. Ignoring his buzzing phone that was most likely text notifications from Hide, Kaneki walked up to the first cash register with an employee behind it.

“Hi, weird question but did a guy with a bunch of tattoos come in earlier with a guy with orange hair?” The cashier widened her eyes briefly before scowling at him.

“You affiliated with them? If so I will not hesitate to call the police if you don’t leave right now.” The girl reached for her phone and Kaneki quickly put his hands up.

“Yes and no. The orange haired one is my friend, he stole the dog. I’m here to pay for her.” The cashier raised her eyebrow as she slowly put her hand down.

“You want to buy the dog? You’re just going to drop the payment of a dog right now for your friend who stole it?” Kaneki nodded his head, bored with the conversation as the cashier smirked ever so slightly.

“Right okay, friends my ass. Give me a second I need to call the manager.” The cashier didn’t wait for Kaneki to respond as she picked up the store phone and pressed a random button. Saying into the speaker that she needed Nezu to come down with the paperwork for the stolen dog right away, she hung the phone up and turned to look at Kaneki again.

“You do know a dog is expensive right?” Kaneki tried hard not to sigh.

“You do know I’m losing my will to live with this conversation right.” The girl actually laughed at that.

“You and me both. I personally don’t care, we lost a fucking puppy; at least someone’s paying.” Kaneki really wanted to sigh. Waiting a few more minutes with the cashier who started scrolling on her phone, the manager finally showed up with a folder full of documents.

“You’re the one who stole the dog?”

“No, I’m the friend of the idiot who stole the dog.”

“Yeah, ‘friend.’”

“Shut up Gon. Listen, that puppy has a few medical concerns so I’m going to be giving you a list of medications she needs and I’ll give you a few bottles that we have so you have some now. You or your friend got insurance?” Kaneki nodded

“Good, I’ll need you to put it down when you see him again. She needs to go to the vet in the next two weeks, it’s a scheduled appointment so they can check to make sure she’s doing okay. I’ll need your signature on these three pages, and then Gon can take your card to pay. Because of the situation, I’ll give you her required tags with no charge. In case your friend wants to change her name, I’ll forgo that one.” Kaneki merely nodded again as he signed the required papers and gave Gon his card. The manager left to get the puppy’s tags, and Kaneki got his card back.

“Your friend better treat that dog like royalty. Especially with all you’re doing for him.” Kaneki ignored her even if she did have a small point. The manager came back a few seconds later and handed Kaneki a bag.

“Alright, medications and tags are in there. Her leash and collar are in there as well. I can’t give you a bed, bowl, or food sadly. I already did the tags and those aren’t super expensive, but not cheap either.” Kaneki smiled a bit.

“It’s okay, my friend can pay for the food and stuff himself. Thank you for not arresting me.” Gon snorted.

“We almost got that tattoo guy. Sneaky fucker climbed up a wall with some silver-haired guy and vanished.” Kaneki mentally screamed. Uta, always so dramatic and using his kagune carelessly.

“If he knows what’s good for him he won’t come back. I’ll make sure of it.” The manager laughed.

“Thank you. Have a good day!” The cashier merely nodded her head as Kaneki gave a wave and left. Grabbing his phone from his back pocket, Kaneki braced himself for the many messages littering his lock screen.

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(2:34 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** CANT BELIEVE YOU LEFT ME

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU ACTUALLY LEFT ME

**Actual Sunshi** ne: I HOPE IT WAS WORTH BEING A GOOD CITIZEN

**Actual Sunshine:** IVE BEEN STUCK ON THIS ROOF FOR IDK HOW LONG

**Actual Sunshine:** I THINK THE PUPPY HAS TO USE THE BATHROOM BUT IM SCARED TO LEAVE MY CORNER

**Actual Sunshine:** UTA KEEPS TEXTING ME

**Actual Sunshine:** AND HIS FRIEND TOO

**Actual Sunshine:** SHIT THE PUPPY IS BARKING

**Actual Sunshine:** KANEKI UTA FOUND ME

**Actual Sunshine:** HOW DO YOU OUTRUN A GHOUL

**Actual Sunshine:** KAN EK I

**Actual Sunshine:** UTA IS SUPER DRUNK AND HES TRYING TO USE HIS KAGUNE TO GET ME BUT IS FAILING

**Actual Sunshine:** HE JUST FELL OVER OH MY GOD

**Actual Sunshine:** HE GOT UP

**Actual Sunshine:** HE FELL OVER AGAIN

**Actual Sunshine:** HE’S TRYING SO HARD BUT FAILING

**Actual Sunshine:** *video sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** YOMO IS TRYING TO TELL HIM TO STOP AND I KEEP YELLING HE NEEDS MILK

**Actual Sunshine:** YOMO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND AND IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO GO GET MILK

**Actual Sunshine:** WE’RE LITERALLY ABOUT TO GO GET MILK

**Actual Sunshine:** IS THIS REAL LIFE???????

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine, Toucan play at that game - > Centipede Fetish**

**(3:00 p.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** *image sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** BOY GOT HIS MILK

**Actual Sunshine:** HE ACTUALLY CRIED WHEN WE GAVE IT TO HIM

**Toucan play at that game:** YOMO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND IT

**Toucan play at that game:** I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR HIM

**Actual Sunshine:** ALMOST

**Actual Sunshine:** UTA KEEPS TRYING TO GET UP BUT JUST GIGGLES AND FALLS ONTO YOMO

**Toucan play at that game:** ITS SO GAY I ALMOST WANT THEM TO BE TOGETHER

**Actual Sunshine:** SHIT UTA JUST YEETED THE MILK BOTTLE

**Toucan play at that game:** ‘THIS BITCH FULL, YEET’ – UTA 2K18

**Toucan play at that game:** HIDE AND YOMO ARE BLASTING OUT OF THE STORE BECAUSE A WORKER HEARD US AND IS CALLING SECURITY

**Toucan play at that game:** UTA JUST STARTED SINGING ‘FUCK THE POLICE’

**Toucan play at that game:** HIDE IS CLOSE TO PISSING HIMSELF

**Toucan play at that game:** SECURITY IS RUNNING AFTER US NOW OH MY GOD

**Toucan play at that game:** *video sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** PLAY THIS AT OUR FUNERAL SO WE GO DOWN AS LEGENDS

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine, Toucan play at that game**

**(4:12 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** What the actual hell

**Centipede Fetish:** please tell me you guys didn’t actually get arrested

**Actual Sunshine:** we’re hiding actually

**Toucan play at that game:** how dare you accuse us of getting caught

**Centipede Fetish:** I paid for the puppy

**Centipede Fetish:** she has to take meds though so you should probably bring her back soon,,

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT IF THE COPS ARE THERE

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE THE PUPPY NEEDS HER MEDICATIONS

**Toucan play at that game:** GO CHECK HIDE’S APARTMENT FIRST

**Toucan play at that game:** IF IT’S CLEAR WE’LL COME BACK

**Centipede Fetish:** Oh my god FINE

**Centipede Fetish:** I’ll be back

**Centipede Fetish:** your apartment Is clear criminal

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks babe

**Actual Sunshine:** puppy and drunk squad are rolling out

**Centipede Fetish:** babe?

**Toucan play at that game:** uh oh spaghettios

**Toucan play at that game:** think you broke him Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** I call Kaneki babe all the time though?

**Centipede Fetish:** <https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HarshPerfectGiraffe-size_restricted.gif>

**Toucan play at that game:** <https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HarshPerfectGiraffe-size_restricted.gif>

**Actual Sunshine:** i need better friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts??? I really enjoy making stupid things and just having a chapter that you mostly laugh at. I think I'm going to continue doing this for a while, and slowly adding to the plot of the story.
> 
> Also yes I had a written out part that wasn't text related. Will probably have more of those in the future!
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	6. HIDE PROTECTION SQUAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY HEY WHATS HAPPENING FOLKS?? I am so sorry for being m.i.a., life has been a mess and I have had no time or energy to write. I hope this chapter makes you laugh and hate me a little less for the hiatus. I hope to get another chapter out soon! If anyone has any ideas that they would like me to write in just drop a comment! I am always needing inspiration.

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(9:28 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** ILL NEVER BE ANYTHING GOOD

**Actual Sunshine:** NOT WITH THESE HANDS

**Actual Sunshine:** THESE HANDS WEREN’T MEANT TO CREATE

**Actual Sunshine:** THEY ONLY DESTROY

**Actual Sunshine:** I CAN’T LOOK AT THEM

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide what the fuck????

**Actual Sunshine:** IM BECOMING A HERMIT

**Actual Sunshine:** TELL UTA I LOVE HIM

**Centipede Fetish:** what????

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki this is Touka

**Actual Sunshine:** ignore your boyfriend

**Actual Sunshine:** we’ve been trying to make something all day

**Actual Sunshine:** it hasn’t been working

**Centipede Fetish:** what are you trying to make?

**Actual Sunshine:** we’re trying to make a beskdanfajakjadffDSJ324T5A

**Centipede Fetish:** touka??,,,

**Actual Sunshine:** WERE MAKING NOTHING IMPORTANT THANKS

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide what did you do to Touka

**Actual Sunshine:** I just tackled her why?

**Centipede Fetish:** you did what?

**Actual Sunshine:** tackled her why is thakldsnafjeio7

**Centipede Fetish:** swear to fuck,

**Centipede Fetish:** WILL YOU GUYS STOP????

**Actual Sunshine:** Hide may or may not now be in a trash can that I’m sitting on

**Centipede Fetish:** will you please let him out?

**Actual Sunshine:** why would I do that?

**Actual Sunshine:** he’s back where he belongs

**Centipede Fetish:** Touka please let Hide out

**Centipede Fetish:** He didn’t know

**Actual Sunshine:** no

**Actual Sunshine:** since I have loverboys phone

**Actual Sunshine:** let’s see what’s on here

**Centipede Fetish:** please don’t go through Hide’s phone

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks for the suggestion but nah

**Actual Sunshine:** hmmm pictures sounds good first

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll be back

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m coming over

**Centipede Fetish:** and im bringing backup :’)))

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki you wouldn’t fucking dare

**Centipede Fetish:** :’)))))

**Actual Sunshine:** y o u w o u l d n t

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > TattooDaddy, Candyass, and Not Today**

**(9:55 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** Touka is trapping Hide in a trash can will you help me

**Not Today:** didn’t you like take on an entire fleet of officers before?

**Not Today:** what makes this any different?

**TattooDaddy:** its soooooo obviousssssss nishikiiiii

**Not Today:** please don’t drawl my name out

**TattooDaddy:** it’s because Hide is in danger!!

**TattooDaddy:** Kaneki wants us to deal with Touka

**TattooDaddy:** while he rescues Hide and they kiss passionately as they ride off into the sunset

**Candyass:** please ignore him

**Candyass:** he just finished watching Titanic

**Not Today:** just this once

**Not Today:** I think Uta is speaking the truth

**TattooDaddy:**!!!!!!!!

**TattooDaddy:** Nishiki that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

**Not Today:** Don’t get used to it.

**Centipede Fetish:** in case anyone actually cares about what I have to say

**Not Today:** not really

**Centipede Fetish:** I need help because Touka hates you guys and will do anything to make you leave

**Candyass:** rude

**Not Today:** you get used to it

**TattooDaddy:** ILL DO ANYTHING TO SAVE MY LOVE

**TattooDaddy:** COME ON GUYS LETS SAVE HIDE

**Centipede Fetish:** is this still the Titanic talking?

**CandyAss:** im not sure actually

**Candyass:** I know Uta is attached to Hide

**Candyass:** but this bravado is probably fueled more by the Titanic and ice cream he ate

**Not Today:** if im being honest

**Not Today:** I love Hide as well

**Centipede Fetish:** you almost killed him once

**Not Today:** and you almost tried to kill me

**Not Today:** but here we are

**TattooDaddy:** CAN YALL RESOLVE YOUR SEXUAL TENSION LATER????????

**TattooDaddy:** MY HUSBAND IS STUCK IN A TRASH CAN

**Candyass:** we better go before Uta watches ‘A Walk To Remember’

**Centipede Fetish:** hide protection squad move out

* * *

 

     Kaneki smoothed his hair down as he tried to calm his nerves. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, Touka most likely has let Hide out of the trash can already. In case she hadn’t though, he knew she would never really listen to him and he needed people she would listen to. Smoothing his hair a bit more, Kaneki heard a whoosh and turned before a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders and he fell down.

     “KANEKIIII! YOMO IS SO MEAN HE WOULDN’T TALK TO ME THE ENTIRE RUN OVER HERE! I think he’s jealous of Hide and I’s connection.” Kaneki heard a scoff behind him as Yomo’s figure appeared out of the darkness and into the street lamp. Kaneki tried to suppress a smirk as he could see jealousy written all over Yomo’s face.

     “I don’t know what to say Uta, I guess he’s not really your friend if he doesn’t understand.” Yomo shot him a dirty look and Uta laughed.

     “Thank you Kaneki, at least someone gets me.” Kaneki merely shrugged, he knew Hide had an effect on people. Looking around a bit, Kaneki checked his phone and tapped his foot impatiently.

     “Where the hell is Nishiki? Not to be rude but we look like some suspicious gang standing underneath this lamp. Uta you’re not helping with your tattoos.” Uta scoffed, looking wounded as he stepped back a bit away from Kaneki.

     “How dare you, I thought we were friends. My tattoos are amazing thank you very much. Not my fault if people can’t appreciate art.” Uta flipped his hair and put his hand on his hip to make his point. Yomo rolled his eyes.

     “I have to agree with Kaneki, I could be sleeping or eating or doing anything else really right now. Come to think of it, why am I here? I barely know this guy.” Yomo had a bit of a point.

      “YOMO YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Hide is an angel and Touka is locking him in a trashcan. You’d dare speak so carelessly about our Lord and Savior Hide? And putting all that aside, you have to admit this is fun. Standing around all sneakily, ready to infiltrate enemy lines.” Yomo rose an eyebrow.

      “Isn’t this just Touka’s apartment?” Uta shushed him.

      “NOT THE POINT! Point is, Hide is the damsel and Kaneki needs to save him. We’re just the homosexual support group.” Kaneki wanted to say something but was interrupted by a snort.

      “Last I checked tattoos, I’m not a homosexual.” Kaneki turned around and saw Nishiki approaching the group in jeans and a sweater.

      “Well well well, if it isn’t Nishiki finally joining us. What took you so long?” Nishiki sighed.

      “In case you lot forgot, I live 15 minutes away from here? Plus my bike broke so I had to walk because my tired ass isn’t running or using my kagune to get here faster.” Uta sighed.

      “Straight people are no fun.” Yomo snorted and Nishiki twitched his eye.

      “Be happy I’m here Uta, I seriously don’t understand why I am. I’m hoping I at least get some blackmail material.” Kaneki sighed.

       “I like to think we’re all here for Hide, but I know Uta is the only one who will really bust in crying wanting his husband back.” Uta nodded his head.

      “Damn right I will. Since you won’t make a move guess I’ll take him, I’ll treat him right don’t worry.” Kaneki chocked on air for a few seconds.

      “Uta, what the hell does that mean? You know Hide is my best friend.” Everyone pursed their lips.

       “Look Kaneki, I barely know you two but from what I’ve seen even I can tell there’s some tension. If you don’t want to admit it to Hide that’s fine, but you don’t have to lie to us.” Nishiki snorted.

       “Yomo this isn’t a slumber party where we’re going to tell each other secrets and braid hair.” Uta perked up at that.

      “I would so be down for that, if we do it I’ll give everyone a free tat. Has to be a small design though.” Kaneki groaned.

      “Can we all just please go do what we came here to do?! Swear you guys are insufferable.” Nishiki waved his hand.

       “Okay okay whatever yeah, let’s go guys before Kaneki’s boner hurts him.” Uta walked ahead of the group and ran up the stairs to Touka’s floor like a madman. Kaneki glared at Nishiki the entire time who merely stuck his tongue out at him. Making it to Touka’s apartment, Kaneki was about to pull out his spare key before Uta kicked the door open and ran in.

     “ALRIGHT BITCH! TELL ME WHERE MY SUN IS OR ILL KICK YOUR PURPLE-HAIRED ASS!” Kaneki mentally banged his head against a brick wall as Uta yelled at Touka. The girl was quite contently sitting on top of a metal garbage can and had a phone in her hand. Her calm expression though changed when she saw Uta, Yomo, and Nishiki walk in the room.

     “Kaneki seriously? This is your backup? Fucker, you know I hate them.” Kaneki smirked as he finally walked through the doorway.

       “Exactly. Now let Hide go please.” Kaneki heard a small bang come from the can.

       “Kaneki! Oh than god, I have to pee so bad. Is Uta here too?” Kaneki laughed a bit.

        “HIDE! I’M HERE BABY! I’LL SAVE YOU!” Hide laughed a bit as he sighed dramatically.

        “My hero! Let’s run away together once you free me from my metal prison!” Nishiki pulled his phone out and started recording as Yomo tried and failed to contain his facial expressions. Touka watched the entire exchange with bored eyes.

       “What is this? Some 2000 romantic comedy chick flick?” Uta puffed his chest out.

        “That’s right bitch, and right now you’re the angry parent not letting the two star crossed lovers meet.” Touka raised her eyebrow.

       “Last I checked sweetie, I’ve been trying to get Hide and Kaneki to bang for years.” Nishiki busted out laughing and Kaneki froze a bit. Yomo smirked in his direction as Uta crossed his arms.

       “Be that as it may, I want Hide back; he’s good to me, treats me right. And since your attempts to get him to bang his best friend have failed he’s fair game.” A small ‘what the fuck’ came from the trash can and Nishiki almost dropped his phone from laughing so hard.

        “Last I checked Uta, you have a raging boner for your friend too.” Now it was Kaneki’s turn to smirk at Yomo who gave him the finger and refused to look in his direction.

        “Oh he knows I have a boner for him, he’s just too busy being in denial. Are you done now? Can I have Hide back?” Touka popped her tongue.

        “Mmm no.” Banging came from the can and Touka shook a bit, almost falling off.

        “Awe come on Touka! I’ve been in here long enough, I’ve learned my lesson. I gotta pee so bad woman let me out!” Kaneki contained his laughter the best he could as Uta started wrestling Touka to get her off the trashcan and Yomo merely stood there as if he was watching children.

       “Let him out Touka! He can’t survive hard time!” Touka kept her ground as she tried her best to stay on. As the two continued to wrestle, Kaneki saw an opening to grab the can with his kagune and smirked a bit. Cracking his neck, he felt his eye change and the familiar feel of his kagune coming out of his back. They never made any sound coming out anymore after years of doing it. Yomo caught on to what he was doing and smirked a bit as well but remained focused on Touka and Uta. Waiting a few seconds longer, Kaneki saw another opening and took it. Reaching out, he grabbed the can and yanked it out from under Touka who was on the floor before she knew it.

        “The fuck? Hey! That’s cheating Kaneki.” Kaneki merely shrugged as he brought the can a little more closer to him before retracting his kagune. Walking right up to it he took the lid off and smiled down at a cramped in Hide.

      “Kaneki! Help me out? I’m a bit wedged in.” Kaneki reached down and grabbed Hide’s hands. Gripping them tightly, Kaneki pulled up, huffing a bit when Hide didn’t budge. Letting his hands go he thought for a minute before leaning down again and gripping Hide under his armpits and hoisting him up. This time Hide came up and he smiled as he stepped out of the can himself with no help.

       “Thanks, you know you really didn’t need to do this, I can handle myself!” Kaneki snorted.

       “Whatever you say Hide, you were the one who decided to tackle Touka.” Hide gasped.

       “I’m hurt, my own best friend bringing up my past mistakes. I can’t believe this.”

       “Hide this happened an hour ago.”

        “THE PAST!”

        “Oh my god! If you all are gonna argue like an old married couple then I’m gonna go.” Both Kaneki and Hide looked over at Nishiki who was heading for the door. Yomo sighed and headed for the door as well.

       “I should go too, this was fun for an hour. Come on Uta.” Uta huffed.

     “Wait, I have to leave Hide? But I don’t wanna.” Uta pouted as Yomo rose his eyebrow.

     “Fine, stay. I’ll see you guys whenever.” Yomo walked out and Nishiki followed suit. Kaneki looked over at Uta who was staring down at his phone. After a few seconds he put it away and smiled.

     “I bid you farewell Hide and Kaneki. I have a pretty face waiting for me downstairs.” Uta walked out of the door and closed it behind him, leaving the confused trio behind.

     “How did he know Yomo was downstairs waiting?” Touka shrugged.

     “I don’t think he was really going to leave anyways. You two can go now too. I’m done for the night.” Touka all but shoved the two friends out of her apartment and shut the door. Hide kept his mouth open the entire time.

     “What just happened?” Kaneki shook his head.

     “I have no idea. Head home?” Hide laughed a bit.

     “As long as you aren’t carrying me this time.” Kaneki shoved his laughing friend who tried to balance himself on the stairwell.

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Not Today, TattooDaddy**

**(1:45 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** tonight was gay

**Not Today:** you said they’d hold hands

**TattooDaddy:** Im suing

**Toucan play at that game:** they did, remember when Kaneki tried to pull Hide out of the trash can

**TattooDaddy:** THAT DOESN’T COUNT

**Not Today:** did you at least get some Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** J

**Toucan play at that game:** that means no

**TatttooDaddy:** fuck you not like you get any

**Toucan play at that game:** unlike half the people I know

**Toucan play at that game:** im not pining for anyone

**Not Today:** poor lesbian

**Toucan play at that game:** stay out of this Nishiki

**Not Today:** fair

**TattooDaddy:** You want help finding someone?

**Toucan play at that game:** no

**Toucan play at that game:** not till all you gays get together

**TattooDaddy:** to be serious for a moment

**TattooDaddy:** Yomo and I are just friends

**Not Today:** right

**Not Today:** and im the queen of England

**Toucan play at that game:** and im straight

**TattooDaddy:** you guys are dicks

**Not Today:** says the one craving it

**Toucan play at that game:** shit

**TattooDaddy:** im leaving

**Not Today:** okie

**Toucan play at that game:** byeee

**TattooDaddy:** fuck you guys

**Not Today:** you wish

**Toucan play at that game:** in your dreams

**TattooDaddy:** B Y E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	7. I've got a problem (PT 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LIKE WOW WHAT IS THIS!?? ME UPDATING QUICKLY??? I had this idea right after the previous chapter and I needed to get it out. Hope you enjoy!

**Actual Sunshine - > TattooDaddy**

**(8:45 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** TODAY IS THE DAY PUPPY GETS TAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**TattooDaddy:** don’t talk to me

**TattooDaddy:** not after you stole my child

**Actual Sunshine:** uta, you work and live in a tattoo parlor and have chemicals everywhere

**Actual Sunshine:** puppy could die

**TattooDaddy:** I didn’t ask for excuses

**Actual Sunshine:** uta the dog would die and you know that

**Actual Sunshine:** I said you could visit, stay over, EVEN NAME THE PUPPY

**TattooDaddy:** ,,,,, I can still name the puppy?

**Actual Sunshine:** yes Uta you can name the puppy

**TattooDaddy:** gender?

**Actual Sunshine:** girl I believe

**TattooDaddy:** doesn’t the paperwork say ?????????

**Actual Sunshine:** okay well it would but since our SITUATION

**Actual Sunshine:** all I have is the meds and prescription papers

**TattooDaddy:** Kaneki didn’t tell you what they said????

**Actual Sunshine:** he said she but like

**Actual Sunshine:** WHO KNOWS

**TattooDaddy:** okay well when you know the gender let me know

**Actual Sunshine:** okay!

**TattooDaddy:** still upset though

**Actual Sunshine:** :(

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > CandyAss**

**(9:28 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** what should we name our child?

**CandyAss:** excuse me?

**TattooDaddy:** our child!

**TattooDaddy:** you know??

**TattooDaddy:** the puppy?????

**CandyAss:** if I remember correctly

**CandyAss:** you caused a ruckus at the pet store which involved me being pelted with rabbit and cat food

**CandyAss:** while Hide escaped with the dog and Kaneki had to pay for it

**TattooDaddy:** you really know how to get some guys dick aroused

**CandyAss:** I honestly don’t see why I need to be a part of the naming process

**TattooDaddy:** becAUSEEEEEEEE

**TattooDaddy:** we shared a moment together

**TattooDaddy:** and I also suck at names

**CandyAss:** whomp there it is

**TattooDaddy:** fuck you

**CandyAss:** so I’ve been told

**CandyAss:** but right now we are talking about a puppy and naming them

**TattooDaddy:** scueeze me?

**CandyAss:** name Uta

**TattooDaddy:** I hate you

**CandyAss:** yeah I know

**CandyAss:** do you have at least some ideas for names?

**TattooDaddy:** not really,,,,

**CandyAss:** the dog is a husky right?

**TattooDaddy:** yeah with blue eyes and black fur

**TattooDaddy:** I KNOW WHO CAN HELP US!

**CandyAss:** but you’re the one needing help?

**_TattooDaddy added Bubble Ass_ **

**_TattooDaddy changed Bubble Ass’s name to Drunk Bitch_ **

**Drunk Bitch:** I aint even mad

**Drunk Bitch:** what’s up homo?

**CandyAss:** oh joy

**CandyAss:** this is the big help Uta?

**Drunk Bitch:** who tf is this? ^

**TattooDaddy:** my heart and soul <3

**CandyAss:** aka the one I text at 3 a.m. because I can’t handle my emotions after watching Hercules

**Drunk Bitch:** oh this dick

**TattooDaddy:** now now children

**TattooDaddy:** I asked you here for a reason Itori

**Drunk Bitch:** if this is about your love life problems then no thank you

**Drunk Bitch:** I don’t get paid enough to listen to you

**CandyAss:** neither do i

**TattooDaddy:** keep this up and you won’t see you nephew/niece

**Drunk Bitch:** my what now?

**CandyAss:** Uta has a puppy

**CandyAss:** sort of

**CandyAss:** it is living with Hide at the moment

**Drunk Bitch:** YOU GOT A PUPPY WITHOUT TELLING ME???????

**Drunk Bitch:** as Aunt I declare we name the puppy after me

**TattooDaddy:** like hell we are

**CandyAss:** I agree

**Drunk Bitch:** rude

**TattooDaddy:** Hide is taking the puppy to the vet and such today

**TattooDaddy:** we’ll get gender and tags soon

**CandyAss:** and as whatever to this puppy

**CandyAss:** I think we should give the dog a nice name that is like a color or pretty thing

**Drunk Bitch:** that’s actually really nice

**CandyAss:** I’m not a dick 24/7 Itori

**TattooDaddy:** well obviously yomo

**TattooDaddy:** you’re dad 2

**TattooDaddy:** I’m dad 1

**TattooDaddy:** and Hide and Itori are the Uncle and Aunt

**CandyAss:** why am I a dad?

**Drunk Bitch:** cause y’all eventually gonna get married, DUH

**TattooDaddy:** obviously Yomo, keep up

**CandyAss:** I can’t take much more of this

**CandyAss:** can we please get back to talking about the puppy

**Drunk Bitch:** sure

**Drunk Bitch:** I vote we name them ‘I’m gay for my best friend and remaining in denial’

**_CandyAss kicked Drunk Bitch out_ **

**TattooDaddy:** yomoooooooo why’d you do thatttttt

**_CandyAss kicked TattooDaddy_ **

**CandyAss:** finally

**CandyAss:** silence

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Toucan play at that game**

**(10:48 a.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** Touka I have a problem

**Toucan play at that game:** oh honey I know you do

**Toucan play at that game:** the whole trying to be older with white hair is starting to look bad

**Toucan play at that game:** your darker roots keeping poking out

**Toucan play at that game:** 0/10 would not bang

**Centipede Fetish:** that is not even remotely close to my problem

**Centipede Fetish:** I think I’m gay

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki we’ve been through this

**Toucan play at that game:** when you read the fortune cookies at the grocery store

**Toucan play at that game:** they really don’t monitor you if you don’t say what the paper says out loud

**Centipede Fetish:** THAT ISN’T WHAT’S HAPPENING

**Centipede Fetish:** I went to the small corner market for snacks

**Centipede Fetish:** and they must have just hired this new guy because I’ve never seen him before

**Centipede Fetish:** we talked for a bit

**Centipede Fetish:** and now I apparently have a phone number and date?

**Toucan play at that game:** what

**Centipede Fetish:** I promise he isn’t some psycho

**Centipede Fetish:** already checked every available document on him in Japan

**Centipede Fetish:** He seems really nice and down to Earth

**Centipede Fetish:** I think it might go beyond one date

**Toucan play at that game:** what

**Centipede Fetish:** Well, aren’t you happy for me?

**Toucan play at that game:** what about Hide?

**Centipede Fetish:** I haven’t told him yet

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m going over later, I’ll tell him then

**Toucan play at that game:** tell me how it goes

**Toucan play at that game:** Sorry Kaneki I’d talk longer but I gotta get back to work

**Centipede Fetish:** Oh, okay

**Centipede Fetish:** Bye

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Not Today**

**(11:55 a.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki has a date

**Not Today:** about fucking time Hide and him did something

**Toucan play at that game:** it’s not with Hide

**Not Today:** what?

**Not Today:** tf do you mean it isn’t with Hide

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki met this cute guy at the corner store apparently

**Toucan play at that game:** and after talking they exchanged numbers and Kaneki got asked out

**Not Today:** but what about Hide?

**Toucan play at that game:** he hasn’t told him yet

**Toucan play at that game:** he’s going over later today and telling him then

**Not Today:** oh man

**Not Today:** this is uh

**Toucan play at that game:** I know

**Not Today:** do you think Hide will be okay?

**Toucan play at that game:** well after all of this

**Toucan play at that game:** saying they have raging boners was really just us stretching

**Not Today:** you don’t really believe that do you

**Toucan play at that game:** hell no

**Toucan play at that game:** don’t tell uta, he’ll make this extra dramatic

**Not Today:** agreed

**Not Today:** let me know what Hide says when he finds out

**Toucan play at that game:** yeah

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > TattooDaddy**

**(2:36 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** *image sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU ARE THE PROUD OWNER OF A SEVEN WEEK OLD MALE SIBERIAN HUSKY!

**TattooDaddy:** !!!!!!!!!

**TattooDaddy:** hold on

**_TattooDaddy added CandyAss_ **

**CandyAss:** if you start up again I will kick you

**TattooDaddy:** this purely puppy business sweetie

**CandyAss:** -_-

**TattooDaddy:** the puppy’s gender has just been confirmed!

**CandyAss:** oh?

**CandyAss:** oh I see

**CandyAss:** hello Hide, nice to hear from you again

**Actual Sunshine:** Hi yomo!

**CandyAss:** too bright

**CandyAss:** alright now that we know it’s a boy

**CandyAss:** name Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** Okay we have two choices: Kuroh or Helios

**Actual Sunshine:** aren’t those names from animes?

**CandyAss:** we are not naming the puppy after the Pegasus

**TattooDaddy:** YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO ADMIT YOU WERE GAY FOR HIM FOR FIVE SECONDS

**Actual Sunshine:** who wasn’t for a few seconds?

**TattooDaddy:** See??

**Actual Sunshine:** I will admit though that I like Kuroh

**Actual Sunshine:** we have to pick now, the people want a name for official paperwork and tags

**TattooDaddy:** tf

**TattooDaddy:** you’ve been there all day and they’re just now doing all that?

**CandyAss:** shots and stuff Uta

**TattooDaddy:** oh yeah

**Actual Sunshine:** okay so we all agree of Kuroh?

**TattooDaddy:** yes

**CandyAss:** yes

**Actual Sunshine:** kuroh it is!!!

**Actual Sunshine:** if you guys want, I’m having Kaneki come over around 5 to see the puppy again

**Actual Sunshine:** you guys can drop by if you want so you can spend time with him?

**TattooDaddy:** WE WOULD LOVE TO!

**CandyAss:** sure

**TattooDaddy:** CAN I BRING SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES YOMO?

**Actual Sunshine:** sure! As long as they don’t cause a mess

**CandyAss:** Guess she can’t come Uta

**TattooDaddy:** shut up Yomo

**Actual Sunshine:** Okay I gotta go and finish this up

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll see you guys later!

**CandyAss:** Bye Hide

**TattooDaddy:** bye hide! <3

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(4:39 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Kaneki! I’m just now leaving the vet so I’ll probably be a bit late

**Actual Sunshine:** can you head in already? Uta, Yomo, and someone else are coming

**Actual Sunshine:** I’d hate to have you all waiting outside my door

**Centipede Fetish:** Sure

**Centipede Fetish:** I need to tell you something in private though when we get a chance

**Actual Sunshine:** Course! Once everyone is situated we can sneak away

**Actual Sunshine:** Sound cool?

**Centipede Fetish:** Yes

**Actual Sunshine:** see you soon!

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > CandyAss, Drunk Bitch, Not Today, Toucan play at that game**

**(1:42 a.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** something is up with Hide and I want to know who tf hurt him

**CandyAss:** before anyone says anything

**CandyAss:** Itori and I can confirm something is up

**Drunk Bitch:** yeah after all I’ve heard about the infamous Hide

**Drunk Bitch:** I was expecting Willy Wonka

**Not Today:** what brought this up

**TattooDaddy:** we all went over to see the puppy after Hide got back from the vet

**Drunk Bitch:** Kaneki was there

**TattooDaddy:** things seemed fine till they snuck away

**CandyAss:** of course someone had to play ‘Careless Whisper’

**TattooDaddy:** MOVING ON

**TattooDaddy:** they came back and you could tell Hide wasn’t himself

**Drunk Bitch:** Kaneki left an hour later and Hide offered for us to stay the night

**Drunk Bitch:** WHICH IS SO SWEET UHM???

**TattooDaddy:** we stayed obviously

**TattooDaddy:** Hide retired an hour ago but we’re all still puzzled

**Toucan play at that game:** oh

**TattooDaddy:** so who tf is dying tonight : )

**Not Today:** no one Uta

**Toucan play at that game:** this is news to us, we honestly don’t know

**Not Today:** wait Kaneki left?

**Not Today:** usually he always stays over?

**Toucan play at that game:** yeah that’s weird

**TattooDaddy:** I thought so too but he said he has plans tomorrow?

**CandyAss:** even I found that suspicious

**Toucan play at that game:** maybe all we can do is wait till one of them says something?

**Drunk Bitch:** who waits in times likes this?

**TattooDaddy:** what Itori said

**Not Today:** okay well you guys figure things out I’m going to sleep

**CandyAss:** night hetero

**TattooDaddy:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Drunk Bitch:** shit yomo got jokes

**Not Today:** im too tired to care rn

**Toucan play at that game:** although I’m not a hetero I’m going to sleep too

**Toucan play at that game:** I expect updates if you guys get any

**TattooDaddy:** yes ma’am!

**Drunk Bitch:** aight

**CandyAss:** whatever

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game**

**(2:00 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Touka I have a problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but I needed to start the ball on angst and getting the two idiots to start the cliche of 'wait i love you'.  
> Things will be somewhat angstier and more towards the plot from this point forward.
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	8. I've got a problem (PT 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter I'm sorry t-t, I just wanted to conclude the two part with a follow up on what happened in the last chapter. these chapters are starting the ball on actual plot and shit so I hope you guys enjoy what I have planned!

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game**

**(2:00 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Touka I have a problem

**Toucan play at that game:** what’s wrong?

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m assuming you know about Kaneki right?

**Toucan play at that game:** you mean his date?

**Actual Sunshine:** Yes, that

**Toucan play at that game:** Yeah, what about it?

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t want him to do it

**Toucan play at that game:** Why?

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ve been asking myself that ever since he told me

**Actual Sunshine:** I feel betrayed, somehow

**Actual Sunshine:** but I shouldn’t because I’m still going to be his best friend

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t know what to think

**Actual Sunshine:** and I’ve been crying

**Toucan play at that game:** Oh Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** and Uta, Yomo, and Itori are here!

**Actual Sunshine:** some host I am,,,,

**Toucan play at that game:** I’m sure they’ll be okay

**Toucan play at that game:** but can I ask you some questions?

**Toucan play at that game:** it’ll help me try to understand what’s going on

**Actual Sunshine:** okay

**Toucan play at that game:** When you’re with Kaneki, how do you feel on the inside?

**Actual Sunshine:** uhm, happy? It’s hard to describe, I’m always really floaty with him

**Toucan play at that game:** How do you feel when he touches you?

**Actual Sunshine:** uh

**Actual Sunshine:** happy again? It’s like the floaty feeling but I can’t breath sometimes.

**Toucan play at that game:** okay last question, how do you feel when someone tries to approach him?

**Actual Sunshine:** Depends? I mean if it’s someone asking for directions that’s normal

**Actual Sunshine:** but sometimes when girls or guys get flirty when I’m with him

**Actual Sunshine:** I get really upset

**Toucan play at that game:** I see

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide, I think I know why all this is happening

**Actual Sunshine:** really?

**Toucan play at that game:** you like Kaneki

**Actual Sunshine:** what

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide, think about it

**Toucan play at that game:** Everything you’ve told me is not normal for just best friends

**Toucan play at that game:** you like him

**Toucan play at that game:** it explains how you’re jealous too

**Actual Sunshine:** this

**Actual Sunshine:** no

**Actual Sunshine:** touka no I can’t

**Actual Sunshine:** I can’t be doing this no

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide it’s okay

**Toucan play at that game:** you can like whoever you want, it’s okay

**Actual Sunshine:** but kaneki is my best friend

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ve basically set myself up for heartbreak

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** you know I’m right Touka

**Toucan play at that game:** that doesn’t matter

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki is still in your life, and you can love him

**Toucan play at that game:** maybe he’ll come around

**Toucan play at that game:** but if he doesn’t then that’s okay

**Toucan play at that game:** he does care for you as a friend

**Actual Sunshine:** I know

**Actual Sunshine:** but this sucks

**Actual Sunshine:** I should have realized it sooner

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m an idiot

**Toucan play at that game:** maybe, but Kaneki is a bigger one

**Toucan play at that game:** I don’t care how cute this grocery store guy is

**Toucan play at that game:** he should want to bang you more

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks??

**Actual Sunshine:** damn, it’s late

**Actual Sunshine:** I think I’m going to try and sleep Touka

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks for talking to me

**Toucan play at that game:** of course

**Toucan play at that game:** night

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(1:45 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m five minutes away from my date

**Centipede Fetish:** I don’t know how to feel

**Centipede Fetish:** he isn’t here yet, so I have a bit more time to prepare

**Centipede Fetish:** can I text you randomly?

**Centipede Fetish:** this is like the first date I’ve had in years

**Centipede Fetish:** oh crap he’s here

**Centipede Fetish:** ttyl

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(3:00 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** so we ate

**Centipede Fetish:** more he ate and I drank way too much coffee

**Centipede Fetish:** he didn’t seem to think it was odd, maybe he’s dated ghouls to know the signs?

**Centipede Fetish:** we’re walking around the park now

**Centipede Fetish:** he really loves nature and photography

**Centipede Fetish:** actually brought his camera and some photos to show me

**Centipede Fetish:** there are some birds on a tree near us so he’s taking a pic of that

**Centipede Fetish:** oh wait he’s coming back

**Centipede Fetish:** I’ll be back

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(5:47 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** so he walked me home

**Centipede Fetish:** wanted to make sure I made it safely

**Centipede Fetish:** not like I need protecting

**Centipede Fetish:** in the long run it was really nice

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m seeing him again next weekend for breakfast

**Centipede Fetish:** I don’t know where this will go but I think somewhere good

**Centipede Fetish:** I’ve only just now realized that you haven’t replied to any of my messages

**Centipede Fetish:** sorry I hope I’m not interrupting anything you’re doing

**Centipede Fetish:** you at work or ?

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > TattooDaddy**

**(9:06 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** okay what did you do to Hide you slut covered in tattoos

**TattooDaddy:** wow okay rude

**TattooDaddy:** it’s true but rude

**TattooDaddy:** why are you asking me?

**Centipede Fetish:** because you went over to his house and I can’t get ahold of him

**TattooDaddy:** okay well yomo, itori, and I left at around noon

**TattooDaddy:** I don’t know what he did after that

**TattooDaddy:** said he was going to do some things with the puppy but that was it

**TattooDaddy:** when was the last time you heard from him

**Centipede Fetish:** yesterday when I left his apartment

**TattooDaddy:** a whole day wow

**Centipede Fetish:** im going over

**Centipede Feiths:** see what’s up

**TattooDaddy:** Kaneki

**TattooDaddy:** have you maybe thought that Hide is just not answering his phone?

**TattooDaddy:** I mean I don’t text yomo everyday and I don’t freak

**TattooDaddy:** if Hide responds tomorrow would that be so bad?

**Centipede Fetish:** I guess not

**Centipede Fetish:** yeah, you’re right I’m sure has his reasons

**Centipede Fetish:** It’s just weird, he always responds

**TattooDaddy:** he’s your best friend Kaneki, not your maid or mother

**TattooDaddy:** I know                     

**TattooDaddy:** thanks Uta, I guess I’ll talk to you later

**TattooDaddy:** bye hoe with no fashion sense

**Centipede Fetish:** rude

* * *

 

**TattooDaddy - > Actual Sunshine**

**(10:32 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** I’ve warded off your bff

**TattooDaddy:** why exactly are we not talking to him again?

**Actual Sunshine:** some personal things Uta

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll talk to him tomorrow I just can’t right now

**TattooDaddy:** right mhm okay

**TattooDaddy:** you don’t think that answer is going to be enough do you?

**Actual Sunshine:** yeah I know

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t want to go into it right now

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll tell you another time, okay?

**TattooDaddy:** mmm fine okay

**TattooDaddy:** give Kuroh a kiss for me

**TattooDaddy:** I’ll leave you alone for the night

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks Uta, <3

**TattooDaddy:** :OOOOOOOO !!!!! <33333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran
> 
> thoughts? would like me to add something? lemme know!


	9. 1999

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello I am not dead...... I am so sorry to everyone for my late updates. Life is not being kind to me so my motivation to write is non-existent. I hope when I do update that the chapters are worth it. In this chapter we continue with Hide's realized feelings and Kaneki being a dick(not really sorry). While also going back to the root of the fic and adding memes and funny shit!

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(4:46 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Kanekiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide?

**Centipede Fetish:** its been a week!

**Actual Sunshine:** I know I’m sorryyyyy

**Actual Sunshine:** remember my new shift at work?

**Actual Sunshine:** it really picked up

**Actual Sunshine:** I saw all the texts about your date, I’m glad it went okay

**Centipede Fetish:** yeah actually we’re meeting up soon

**Centipede Fetish:** just for coffee though, he has to work and couldn’t get off

**Actual Sunshine:** work sucks

**Actual Sunshine:** getting in the way of romance

**Centipede Fetish:** it provides money though

**Centipede Fetish:** and benefits

**Actual Sunshine:** ruining the mood Kaneki

**Centipede Fetish:** sorry

**Centiepde Fetish:** I missed you Hide

**Centipede Fetish:** Touka isn’t all that great at advice

**Actual Sunshine:** I missed you too

**Actual Sunshine:** I promise to reach out more I’ve just been really busy with work and the puppy

**Centipede Fetish:** oh yeah

**Centipede Fetish:** how’s joint custody going?

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta is over every night to play with him

**Actual Sunshine:** Yomo sometimes tags along and just sits on the recliner playing flow

**Centipede Fetish:** sounds like a party

**Actual Sunshine:** it’s even bigger when Touka shows up and eats all my food

**Centipede Fetish:** but she can’t eat chips or burgers??

**Actual Sunshine:** I have organs and such here just in case

**Actual Sunshine:** you know for my best friend who is a ghoul?

**Centipede Fetish:** hmm wonder who this best friend is

**Actual Sunshine:** oh he’s such a loser

**Actual Sunshine:** had an emo phase he never got out of and eats a “special” diet

**Centipede Fetish:** wow what a loser

**Actual Sunshine:** oh yeah, I wouldn’t go near him

**Centipede Fetish:** you know if it’s the loser I’m thinking of

**Centipede Fetish:** then I heard that his best friend is actual trash

**Actual Sunshine:** FUCK YOU

**Centipede Fetish:** you wish

**Centipede Fetish:** oh he’s here gotta go

**Centipede Fetish:** Bye Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** Bye Kanekiiii

* * *

**CandyAss - > Actual Sunshine**

**(6:02 p.m.)**

**CandyAss:** *image sent*

**CandyAss:** isn’t that emo fucker the one sunshine boy is in love with?

**Actual Sunshine:** uh yomo

**CandyAss:** what?

**CandyAss:** oh shit

**CandyAss:** sorry Hide I meant to send that to anyone else but you

**CandyAss:** hm well this dandy

**Actual Sunshine:** it’s okay Yomo

**Actual Sunshine:** why are you stalking Kaneki??

**CandyAss:** I’m not

**CandyAss:** I was walking and just happened to see him in the coffee shop with that guy

**CandyAss:** sitting really close ya know?

**CandyAss:** Uta is basically crying every night because you’re hurting

**CandyAss:** you didn’t hear it from me though

**Actual Sunshine:** yeah Uta is something else

**Actual Sunshine:** but a good friend

**CandyAss:** debatable

**Actual Sunshine:** that’s because y’alls relationship is weird

**Actual Sunshine:** y’all gonna even mess around once????

**CandyAss:** jfc Hide what happened here

**Actual Sunshine:** sorry its just

**Actual Sunshine:** EVERYONE SEES THE DAMN TENSION

**Actual Sunshine:** I think everyone losses half their brain cells when the two of you are in the same room

**CandyAss:** well then

**CandyAss:** sorry to disappoint

**CandyAss:** but we are just friends

**CandyAss:** for real

**Actual Sunshine:** dude I won’t tell anyone if you want to admit some things

**Actual Sunshine:** besides won’t be anything they haven’t speculated over already

**CandyAss:** ……..

**CandyAss:** this is weird

**CandyAss:** started out with a wrong text

**Actual Sunshine:** how did it end up like this

**CandyAss:** it was only a text

**Actual Sunshine:** it was only a text

**CandyAss:** and wow Mr. Brightside could this get any 2009 gayer????

**Actual Sunshine:** it can always get gayer Yomo

**CandyAss:** true true

**Actual Sunshine:** so??

**CandyAss:** fine

**CandyAss:** Bush did 9/11

**_CandyAss left_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU PIECE OF SHIT

* * *

 

**Not Today - > Toucan play at that game**

**(8:55 p.m)**

**Not Today:** so uhm

**Not Today:** *image sent*

**Not Today:** I go to the store for soda and I see this

**Toucan play at that game:** why the fuck is Hide piling a cart full of frozen French fries???

**Not Today:** I have no clue

**Not Today:** I’m too scared to approach him

**Not Today:** he’s just mumbling and taking any bag of frozen French fries he can get ahold of

**Toucan play at that game:** get your big boy pants on you straight

**Toucan play at that game:** and go approach him

**Toucan play at that game:** you’re a ghoul too why you so scared

**Not Today:** fine god

**Not Today:** here I go

**Toucan play at that game:** the suspense is killing me

**_Not Today added Actual Sunshine_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m okay trust me

**Not Today:** quoting mcr is the opposite of being okay

**Toucan play at that game:** what’s wrong Hide?

**Toucan play at that game:** tell auntie Touka

**Not Today:** that sounds so weird

**Toucan play at that game:** shut up Nishiki

**Actual Sunshine:** it’s nothing really

**Toucan play at that game:** ah I see

**Toucan play at that game:** boy trouble

**Not Today:** Sherlock Holmes everyone

**Toucan play at that game:** I will kill you Nishiki

**Not Today:** yeah okay

**Actual Sunshine:** It’s nothing to worry over Touka I’m fine

**Not Today:** “I’m fine” he says

**Not Today:** coming from the same guy who just spent 250 on frozen French fries

**Toucan play at that game:** hide wtf

**Actual Sunshine:** shut up I’m depressed

**Actual Sunshine:** also it was 255 because I bought a few monsters

**Not Today:** I think Hide’s throwing in the towel tonight

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide, are you sure you’re okay

**Actual Sunshine:** : )

**Not Today:** uh oh he’s yeeting

**Not Today:** *video sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** HIDE WHAT THE FUCK

**Not Today:** he’s just yeeting Touka

**Not Today:** I think you better go to his place

**Not Today:** I’ll follow him there

**Toucan play at that game:** before I leave

**Toucan play at that game:** did he ever explain what happened to cause this????

**Not Today:** ,,,,,

**Not Today:** actually no

**Not Today:** we can just ask him when we get to his place

**Toucan play at that game:** sounds good

**Not Today:** oh and now he’s blasting Kelly Clarkson in his car

**Toucan play at that game:** oh boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about the chapter title, I was listening to Charli XCX's new song '1999' while writing this. It's all about wanting to go back to the past and how things were and I think that really describes what Hide is feeling right now even if I am not actually writing that word for word.
> 
> Also when Nishiki says Hide is yeeting he actually is meaning that Hide just bolted out of the store and looks like a wreck carrying his bags to the car. AKA yeeting 'giving up on life' .
> 
> As always, tell me what you think!! comments and kudos really do make my day.


	10. Shut Up and Dance (PT 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a super late update look at me!! Chapter title came from the song that will probably make more sense when I release the next part to this chapter. 
> 
> In this chapter we follow everyone being good friends to Hide because Hide deserves to be protected; while Hide struggles with how to deal with Kaneki.

**TattooDaddy - > CandyAss**

**(10:12 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** look

**CandyAss:** oh no

**TattooDaddy:** all im saying is

**Candyass:** shit

**TattooDaddy:** if Japan had nude beaches

**CandyAss:** here we go

**TattooDaddy:** I would definitely go to one

**CandyAss:** what did I do to deserve this

**TattooDaddy:** and you know sometimes Touka is all like

**TattooDaddy:** ‘ew gross’

**TattooDaddy:** but listen here t o u k a

**_Not Today joined the conversation_ **

**TattooDaddy:** its my life so if I want to walk on a beach naked I will

**Not Today:** wht the fuck did I just walk into

**CandyAss:** hell

**TattooDaddy:** oh heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**TattooDaddy:** straight boi

**Not Today:** ignoring that

**Not Today:** hide is sad out of his mind and Touka and I have no clue what the fuck to do

**TattooDaddy:** what the hell do you mean Hide is sad

**TattooDaddy:** WHO HURT HIM????

**CandyAss:** emo fucker who apparently likes corner store boys

**Not Today:** woah yomo you okay?

**Not Today:** who pissed in your cheerios this morning

**CandyAss:** sorry

**CandyAss:** but like Hide has been depressed lately

**CandyAss:** and I just want back the old Hide who would send me kitten pictures in the morning

**TattooDaddy:** YOU GOT THOSE PICS TOO?????

**Not Today:** I got turtles

**CandyAss:** I hate seeing him like this

**CandyAss:** and I’ve only known him for a few months

**Not Today:** he grows on you

**TattooDaddy:** I GOT IT

**TattooDaddy:** we should find someone for Hide

**Not Today:** right okay

**Not Today:** let’s find Hide

**Not Today:** Mr. ‘I have a raging boner for my best friend who is dating someone else’

**Not Today:** a date

**Not Today:** that’ll go well

**CandyAss:** no wait Nishiki

**CandyAss:** maybe the drunk has a point

**TattooDaddy:** AWE THANKS BABE

**CandyAss:** maybe finding Hide even like a new hobby or friend may help take his mind off Kaneki

**Not Today:** mmm I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try

**Not Today:** but I don’t know

**Not Today:** I don’t think trying to throw something new on him is what he really needs

**TattooDaddy:** well what if one of us does something with him?

**TattooDaddy:** I’ve been looking around trying to find a good training program for Kuroh

**TattooDaddy:** Hide could do that with me?

**CandyAss:** I don’t think working at a bar is going to help

**CandyAss:** but I can tell him when karaoke night is?

**Not Today:** sometimes I shop for new clothes

**Not Today:** Touka said she sign Hide up with her for dance class

**Not Today:** she really wants to learn how to tango and all that

**TattooDaddy:** looks like we all got a plan

**CandyAss:** should we tell Hide now or?

**Not Today:** no Touka and I will bring it up tonight about our stuff

**Not Today:** text him tomorrow or whatever saying your stuff

**TattooDaddy:** can do hot stuff

**CandyAss:** he is now beyond help drunk

**CandyAss:** but okay Nishiki can do

**Not Today:** now that that’s settled

**Not Today:** can you guys tell me why Uta was talking about walking on a beach naked?

**CandyAss:** NO

**TattooDaddy:** YES

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > TattooDaddy, CandyAss, and Drunk Bitch**

**(7:12 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** good morning guys!!

**Actual Sunshine:** I hate to be asking this but

**Actual Sunshine:** I got called into work early and I won’t be home till much later tonight

**Actual Sunshine:** could one of you three watch Kuroh????

**TattooDaddy:** if it were anyone else

**Drunk Bitch:** I would say no

**CandyAss:** but since it’s Hide

**TattooDaddy:** we will happily watch Kuroh

**Actual Sunshine:** AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH

**Actual Sunshine:** anyone one of you three can watch him it’s fine

**Actual Sunshine:** ill leave my spare key under my mat so whoever can unlock the door

**Actual Sunshine:** im already heading to work but I did walk Kuroh quickly and give him some food

**Actual Sunshine:** he should be okay for an hour tops so not too big of a rush to get to my place

**TattooDaddy:** IM ALREADY ON MY WAY BABY

**Actual Sunshine:** THANK YOU HONEY

**Drunk Bitch:** gross

**CandyAss:** since Uta is going early

**CandyAss:** I’ll swing by later

**Drunk Bitch:** yeah same

**Actual Sunshine:** THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll text when I’m on my way home

**TattooDaddy:** okay

**CandyAss:** when you do Uta and I need to talk to you about something

**TattooDaddy:** nothing bad I promise sweetie!!!!!<333

**Actual Sunshine:** okay XD

A **ctual Sunshine:** okay I really gotta go now im at work

**TattooDaddy:** OKIEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee

**CandyAss:** have fun at work

**Drunk Bitch:** bye sunflower boy

**_Actual Sunshine left the conversation_ **

**Drunk Bitch:** so what y’all gonna tell flower boy later?

**CandyAss:** different ways to help him get out of the house more and stop being depressed

**TattooDaddy:** yeah it’s sad really

**TattooDaddy:** he isn’t doing all that great since Kaneki started going out with that guy

**Drunk Bitch:** woah wait a minute

**Drunk Bitch:** emo dude is dating whomst????

**TattooDaddy:** oh you haven’t heard?

**CandyAss:** yeah he met this dude at a corner store

**CandyAss:** got his number and everything

**CandyAss:** he’s gone on like two dates already

**CandyAss:** his third is coming up soon

**Drunk Bitch:** guess this is the night bitches die

**CandyAss:** no

**TattooDaddy:** YES

**CandyAss:** -_-

**TattooDaddy:** look on a serious note

**TattooDaddy:** everyone has basically agreed to help Hide feel better

**TattooDaddy:** it physically hurts to see him in pain

**Drunk Bitch:** I know I can feel the sadness just from his un-capitalized texts

**TattooDaddy:** you got that right

**TattooDaddy:** now I must get ready

**TattooDaddy:** I have a child to attend to

**CandyAss:** ill be over around 2

**CandyAss:** I have to cover the morning shift

**Drunk Bitch:** ill come keep you company around 11

**Drunk Bitch:** I gotta like eat something and sleep longer

**TattooDaddy:** fine miss out on quality time with your nephew

**Drunk Bitch:** you’re mean

**TattooDaddy:** <3

**CandyAss:** see you later Uta

**TattooDaddy:** bye boo!

**Drunk Bitch:** what no bye boo for me?

**TattooDaddy:** no : )

**Drunk Bitch:** bitch

* * *

 

**Centipede Fetish - > Actual Sunshine**

**(12:32 p.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** maybe it’s just me but

**Centipede Fetish:** don’t couples usually hold hands?

**Centipede Fetish:** I don’t know maybe I’m looking too much into it

**Centipede Fetish:** but we haven’t held hands yet and its been two dates and he hasn’t pulled anything

**Centipede Fetish:** not even a ‘not-so-subtle’ arm around the shoulders move

**Centipede Fetish:** Hide?

**Centipede Fetish:** sorry you’re probably working

**Centipede Fetish:** I try texting Touka about this stuff but she always seems annoyed

**Centipede Fetish:** I don’t think I’m helping my case when I always go on about him

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m going to stop texting you now

**Centipede Fetish:** I guess just text me whenever you can

* * *

 

**(4:28 p.m.)**

**_Actual Sunshine rejoined ‘TattooDaddy, CandyAss, and Drunk Bitch’ group_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** hey guys so bad news

**Actual Sunshine:** I will be held even longer sadly

**Actual Sunshine:** I thought I was going to be home by five but

**Actual Sunshine:** they want me till 8 maybe even 9

**Actual Sunshine:** is anyone okay to stay that long?

**CandyAss:** Hello Hide

**CandyAss:** Itori and Uta are currently crying while watch rom-coms

**CandyAss:** I don’t think we’re going anywhere

**CandyAss:** Don’t worry Kuroh is safe

**Actual Sunshine:** thanks Yomo!

**Actual Sunshine:** I have a few minutes left on my break

**Actual Sunshine:** what did you guys want to talk to me about?

**CandyAss:** I think it’s best we wait till you get home

**Actual Sunshine:** are you sure?

**CandyAss:** yes

**TattooDaddy:** HIDEEEEEEEEE

**Drunk Bitch:** WHY IS THE NOTEBOOK SO SAD

**CandyAss:** Oh boy

**Actual Sunshine:** I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME

**Actual Sunshine:** IT GETS ME EVERYTIME

**CandyAss:** oh god

**CandyAss:** there’s three of them

**Actual Sunshine:** I have to go back to work now

**Actual Sunshine:** GIVE KUROH A KISS FOR ME BABY

**TattooDaddy:** ANYTHING FOR YOU SWEETIE!!!!

**Drunk Bitch:** love

**CandyAss:** I beg to differ

**Drunk Bitch:** jealousssss??????

**CandyAss:** No

**TattooDaddy:** ITORI STOP TEXTING YOMO AND WATCH THE MOVIE

**Drunk Bitch:** okay

**_CandyAss left the conversation_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? sorry that the opening was kind of odd but I don't know I thought it was funny. I will be having another written out part in the next chapter that I'm sure everyone is catching on about. Hopefully will be up soon <3
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	11. Shut Up and Dance (PT 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone!! Happy late Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it ^^. I hope everyone had a great dinner and day, and to those who (like me) braved Black Friday I hope you got some amazing things! I'm not sure when the last chapter was but here is the second part to the previous one. Kind of short but it's a good end to this two part chapter title.

      Hide huffed as he climbed the last flight of stairs to his apartment. He would have taken the elevator but after one button press and the door not magically already being there, he didn’t have the patience to wait around. Stepping over the last step onto his floor, Hide jogged to his apartment door and pulled his key out. Turning the key and unlocking his door, Hide stepped in and instinctively reached over to turn the light on but stopped when he realized it was already on.

     “HIDE! YOU’RE HOME! KUROH LOOK WHO’S HOME!” Hide giggled as Uta unfolded himself from his blanket burrito and tripped over his feet making his way from the living room to the front door. Kuroh barked happily as he ran over from his bed to Hide’s feet. Hide bent down to pick the puppy up.

     “I see everyone was pretty cozy while I was gone.” Kuroh barked in agreement as he licked Hide’s face. Uta finally made his way to Hide and hugged him from the side. Two different voices mumbled from the living room as Hide set Kuroh back down. Yomo blinked as he got up from the recliner and Itori downed the rest of her drink as she got up.

     “HIDE! Flower boy I was wondering when you would be back. It’s a little later than nine don’t you think?” Hide rubbed his head as he smiled sheepishly.

     “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry I’m so late, work has been ugh. Fighting for better rights for the ghouls and really anyone just doesn’t seem to sit right with folks.” Itori rolled her eyes and laughed and Yomo grumbled.

     “Fuck politicians, they’re all stuck up.” Hide laughed as Uta smacked Yomo’s arm.

     “Yomo please, watch your mouth. There are children present.” Uta immediately picked up Kuroh and covered his ears.  

     “How dare you try to poison his young mind.” Yomo raised an eyebrow.

     “See what I’ve had to deal with all night?” Hide nodded his head.

     “Oh yeah I see the struggle. You guys eat yet? If Touka hasn’t eaten all my stuff I should still have some organs and eyes for you all?” Itori gave a smile.

     “Don’t worry honey we already cleaned you out. We’ll bring you more to restock tomorrow or so.” Hide smiled.

     “Sounds good! You guys going to head out then? Thank you again for watching Kuroh, I just would hate to put him in a kennel.” Uta gasped in fake shock.

     “How dare you even think it. I thought you loved our son Hide?” Hide fake pouted.

     “I’m sorry my love, please don’t kick me out.” Yomo groaned as Itori giggled.

     “Hide, I think you’re cool, but don’t encourage him. All we’ve done is watch rom-coms. WHILE UTA, cried the whole time.” Uta threw a random granola bar at Yomo who glared at him.

     “Actually Hide, before we all go, Uta, Yomo, and I need to talk to you about something.” Hide immediately grew serious as he stared at the trio.

     “Right, yes, I didn’t want to rush bringing it up. What is it?” Itori stepped a little closer to Hide as Yomo and Uta straightened up.

     “Well, whether you realize it or not, you’ve been more depressed lately. Ever since Kaneki started seeing that boy you’ve just not been yourself. We all care for you Hide, even Nishiki.” Yomo snorted at that as Uta hit his arm.

      “All we want is for you to be happy. So, the three of us and Touka and Nishiki have sort of come up with ways to help you move on. Not move on like you should drop Kaneki as a friend, but just to help you have something new in your life, get you out there more.” Hide dropped his head down, digesting everything Itori told him. It was true, ever since Kaneki started dating he stopped being himself. Kaneki was really all he had, he was his best friend, but now his best friend was doing other things without Hide and Hide didn’t know how to adapt. But, now, here was with a group of people who cared for him and wanted to help him move on in a way. Hide felt the tears stroll down his cheeks faster than he could stop them.

     “Hide? Hide, honey are you crying? Don’t cry, it’s okay, it’s okay let it out.” Hide broke down right there in his kitchen. Not the first time doing so, but certainly the first time around people that weren’t Kaneki. Hide felt Itori wrap her arms around him and Hide soon felt Uta come behind him and wrap him up too. A hand was placed on his shoulder and Hide figured that was Yomo showing his support in his way.

     A few minutes passed as Hide cried hard into Itori’s shoulder, he didn’t know why he was crying, the situation really didn’t call for it. However, all he could do was cry as everything from the past few weeks hit him like a freight train. Itori rubbed his back soothingly as Uta tucked Hide’s head under his chin. Yomo patted his shoulder every so  often, but mostly kept to keeping it still. After a few more minutes of soaking Itori’s shirt, Hide finally felt okay to pull away.

     Rubbing his eyes and face with his shirt sleeves, Hide gave a wobbly smile.

     “Thank you guys, this really means a lot. You don’t have to do this but you are and that means a lot to me. I hope you don’t think of me any differently because of what’s happening.” Everyone shook their heads no.

     “Kaneki is a dick for doing this.” Itori and Uta threw daggers at Yomo who shrugged. Hide giggled a bit.

     “I guess in a way, but nothing we can do about it. No, Uta, we cannot ‘teach him a lesson’.” Uta frowned.

     “Well, now that uh the tears are out of the way. Do I get to know what some of these ideas are?” Itori smiled as she pulled out her phone.

     “Well, I don’t have anything with you but Uta is finding a program to help train Kuroh! Yomo is going to tell you when Karaoke night is.” Hide laughed as he wiped his nose.

     “I don’t have a singing voice, but that all sounds fun! What about Touka and Nishiki?” Uta piped up at that.

     “Touka is doing a dance class and signed you up as her partner. Nishiki said and I quote, ‘I sometimes go shopping for clothes’.” Hide busted out laughing at that.

     “Yeah that sounds like Nishiki. Well, honestly, this all sounds amazing! I really don’t know how to thank you all.” Uta scoffed as he got down on one knee.

     “Just say the magic words and we’ll be good.” Yomo kicked Uta down and sighed.

     “I swear, I’m surrounded by children.” Itori rolled her eyes and Kuroh came into the kitchen barking at Yomo and licking Uta’s face.

     “Yes, yes my child attack the mean man!” Kuroh looked at Yomo and barked once before staring at Uta and continuing to lick his face.

     “Pretty sure the only man he’s ‘attacking’ is you Uta.” Uta groaned.

     “Well, we should all be going. Are you going to be okay Hide? Do you want one of us to stay?” Uta jumped up.

     “Uh I have to stay with my husband for obvious reasons.” Yomo grabbed Uta’s arm and dragged him to the front door.

     “Leave him alone Uta, get your stuff.” Uta obliged and Itori sighed.

     “Think anything will ever happen?” Hide whispered.

     “Psh, if they both keep acting this thick then no.” Itori whispered back.

     “OYE ITORI get your stuff let’s go!” Itori flipped off Yomo as she quickly gave Hide a hug and grabbed her stuff.

     “Bye Hide! I’ll text you tomorrow!” Hide waved goodbye to everyone and blew a secret kiss to Uta who returned it when Yomo wasn’t looking. Shutting the door behind them, Hide sighed as he slid down to the ground and petted Kuroh who came over to him.

     “Well, Kuroh, think their plans will work?” Kuroh tilted his head to the side, confused as to what Hide was saying. Hide giggled at that.

     “Yeah, you and me both.”

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game**

**(9:45 a.m)**

**Actual Sunshine:** So the trio told me your guy’s plan

**Toucan play at that game:** oh yeah?

**Toucan play at that game:** what do you think about dancing?

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m excited!

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ve always wanted to learn

**Toucan play at that game:** me too!

**Toucan play at that game:** Nishiki knows how to but refuses to teach me

**Actual Sunshine:** NISHIKI KNOWS HOW TO DANCE?

**Toucan play at that game:** SCARY RIGHT?!

**Toucan play at that game:** he’s got a girlfriend to impress so

**Toucan play at that game:** makes sense

**Actual Sunshine:** still kind of scary

**Toucan play at that game:** well besides that

**Toucan play at that game:** how are you holding up?

**Actual Sunshine:** pretty okay!

**Actual Sunshine:** I don’t have to work today so I’m just laying in bed

**Actual Sunshine:** Kuroh is being a good boy

**Toucan play at that game:** that’s good

**Toucan play at that game:** before I forget

**Toucan play at that game:** send me your work schedule so I can plan the classes around it

**Actual Sunshine:** *file sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** here’s my schedule for the month

**Actual Sunshine:** it’s never the same so I’ll keep you posted the end of every month

**Toucan okay at that game:** Thanks Hide <3

**Actual Sunshine:** <333

**Actual Sunshine:** alright I gotta walk Kuroh and actually be productive today

**Actual Sunshine:** would you like to meet Kuroh and I at the park?

**Toucan play at that game:** Of course!

**Toucan play at that game:** hold on

**_Toucan play at that game added Not Today_ **

**Not Today:** wtf Touka

**Toucan play at that game:** shut up Nishiki

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide is taking Kuroh to the park, wanna go?

**Not Today:** oh

**Not Today:** when, like right now?

**Actual Sunshine:** Noooooo

**Actual Sunshine:** probably like noon or 1

**Not Today:** hmm yeah I can do that

**Toucan play at that game:** meet by the front gate

**Actual Sunshine:** Okay ^^

**Not Today:** yeah

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > TattooDaddy, Drunk Bitch, and CandyAss**

**(1:38 p.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** *video sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** I present a model

**TattooDaddy:** AWE KUROH RUNNING WITH HIS PUPPY LEGS

**CandyAss:** Hide looks really happy playing frisbee with Kuroh

**Drunk Bitch:** THIS IS THE QUALITY CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR

**Toucan play at that game:** Nishiki is sitting on a bench being lazy

**Toucan play at that game:** *video sent*

**CandyAss:** how nice of Nishiki to tell us all to fuck off

**Drunk Bitch:** love you too boo <3

**TattooDaddy:** Is Hide doing better?

**Toucan play at that game:** yes

**Toucan play at that game:** today is his day off so he wanted to enjoy it

**Drunk Bitch:** good for him!!

**Drunk Bitch:**  when is your guy’s first dance class?

**Toucan play at that game:** I need to plan that

**Toucan play at that game:** his schedule changes every month so this month we’ll only be able to get three days in before the new month begins

**TattooDaddy:** tell Hide I found a training program for Kuroh

**TattooDaddy:** next six weekends: Saturday 2:30-4:00

**Toucan play at that game:** okay

**CandyAss:** karaoke is every Friday night

**Drunk Bitch:** I love Hide

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide said

**Toucan play at that game:** @ Uta: okay that should work

**Toucan play at that game:** @ Yomo: thanks boo

**Toucan play at that game:** @ Itori: I love you too

**TattooDaddy:** HOW COME YOMO GETS A ‘BOO’???????

**TattooDaddy:** I am hurt

**CandyAss:** jealous much?

**TattooDaddy:** meanie

**Toucan play at that game:** we’re leaving the park now to go get food

**Toucan play at that game:** aka Hide is eating and Nishiki and I are getting coffee

**Drunk Bitch:** okay hear me out

**Drunk Bitch:** what if Hide was a ghoul?

**TattooDaddy:** honestly? Nothing would change

**CandyAss:** yeah

**Toucan play at that game:** I agree

**Drunk Bitch:** but like can you imagine how fucking cool he would look and such????

**Toucan play at that game:** true but he’s already pretty kickass

**TattooDaddy:** yeah Hide can kick some ass

**CandyAss:** I’ve never seen him fight really

**CandyAss:** but I believe he can

**Toucan play at that game:** Yomo you are missing out

**Toucan play at that game:** when Hide fights it’s scary

**TattooDaddy:** yeah he drops it like

**TattooDaddy:** mmmmm

**Toucan play at that game:** okay stop listening to Uta

**Drunk Bitch:** I did that years ago

**CandyAss:** i have never once listened to him

**TattooDaddy:** WOW RUDE OKAY

**Toucan play at that game:** okay gotta go we’re at the restaurant

**TattooDaddy:** byeeee

**CandyAss:** bye

**Drunk Bitch:** bye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off the song by Walk the Moon of course. Sorry that Kaneki is not really here right now but I felt it necessary to show Hide's side a bit more before we go back to Kaneki. I want to build up a lot of things so many chapters will have less of one character to add more room for another.
> 
> As always I enjoy hearing back from you guys!!


	12. H E T E R O S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All!!! So not a super late update, I hope you like what I have in store^^. Kind of a filler chapter, I just needed the beginning part so I could lead into the last few bits.

**TattooDaddy - > CandyAss, Drunk Bitch, Not Today, Toucan play at that game, and Actual Sunshine**

**(8:46 p.m.)**

**TattooDaddy:** WHY IS THERE SO MUCH FORCED HETEROSEXUALIZATION IN ANIMES??????!!!

**CandyAss:** which anime is it this time? 

**Actual Sunshine:** I can appreciate anime’s with heterosexuals but like too much is crazy

**Actual Sunshine:**  you can’t expect me to believe that only straights are in apocalypse worlds or the future 

**Toucan play at that game:** What the fuck are you guys going off about???

**Not Today** : I actually can see where Uta is coming from 

**TattooDaddy:**!!!!!!

**TattooDaddy:** NISHIKI YOU AGREE WITH ME???

**CandyAss:** for once in his life 

**Drunk Bitch:** let uta have his moment

**Actual Sunshine:** not that I don’t love talking about anime 

**Actual Sunshine:** But

**Actual Sunshine:** was there an actual anime you were referring to Uta?

**TattooDaddy:** YES

**TattooDaddy:** S W O R D G A I

**Not Today:** what?

**Drunk Bitch:** never heard

**Toucan play at that game:** isn’t that like a special Netflix did?

**TattooDaddy:** YES

**TattooDaddy:** ITS GOT A GOOD PLOT

**TattooDaddy:** AMAZING CHARACTERS

**TattooDaddy:** BUT H E T E R O S EVERYWHERE

**TattooDaddy:** WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

**Actual Sunshine:** who actually would believe that in timelines like that

**Actual Sunshine:** STRAIGHTS DOMINATE THE WORLD????????????/

**Actual Sunshine:** bi pan trans asexual

**Actual Sunshine:** THEY FUCKING EXIST

**Toucan play at that game:** damn Hide….

**Drunk Bitch:** you okay?

**CandyAss:** Yeah Hide tell em

**Actual Sunshine:** sorry I just

**Actual Sunshine:** work right now is being a bitch

**Actual Sunshine:** we’re trying to get adoption laws passed for ghouls who want to adopt

**Actual Sunshine:** especially kids who are orphaned ghouls

**Actual Sunshine:** but politicians want to be fucking dicks

**TattooDaddy:** I’ll come down there Hide

**TattooDaddy:** GETTING MY SHOES ON RIGHT NOW

**Not Today:** you do such good work for us Hide

**Not Today:** honestly you need a statue or something

**Toucan play at that game:** I agree

**Drunk Bitch:** hide if you were a ghoul

**Drunk Bitch:** do you think shit would get done quicker?

**CandyAss:** oh my god Itori

**Not Today:** you can’t say that

**Actual Sunshine:** nah it’s okay

**Actual Sunshine:** honestly????

**Actual Sunshine:** Fucking turn me

**Actual Sunshine:** shit would get done cause I’d make it happen

**TattooDaddy:** TAKE MY ORGANS BABY

**Actual Sunshine:** WE’LL FINALLY BE TOGETHER IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

**CandyAss:** gross

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide are you still good for our class tonight?

**Actual Sunshine:** Yep!!

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll be coming right after work so excuse my uniform

**Toucan play at that game:** no problem

**Drunk Bitch:** not that I don’t love you guys

**Drunk Bitch:** but a bitch is about to watch this straight anime Uta has a problem about

**CandyAss:** Uta is forcing me to watch it right now

**TattooDaddy:** Yomo’s elbow keeps digging into my rib cage

**CandyAss:** I’m not even anywhere near you

**Not Today:** lol “elbow” are you sure Uta

**TattooDaddy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Not Today:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**CandyAss:** oh my god…..

**Toucan play at that game:** I don’t know how to feel after seeing Nishiki use a lenny face

**Actual Sunshine:** I feel like the world has stopped

**Not Today:** y’all are dicks

**Not Today:** I’m gonna nap

**Not Today:** ttyl

**TattooDaddy:** Have fun napping

**Not Today:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**TattooDaddy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**CandyAss:** help me

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > TattooDaddy**

**(3:45 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Uta!

**Actual Sunshine:** can you watch Kuroh from 5-6:30?

**Actual Sunshine:** I think he’ll be okay but

**Actual Sunshine:** Touka and I have that dance class so I Just want to make sure

**TattooDaddy:** HIDE WHY DO ANIMES HAVE H E T E R O S?????

**Actual Sunshine:** because people somehow still think straights are the only people who exist

**TatooDaddy:** THAT’S BS

**TatooDaddy:** also yes I will watch our child

**TattooDaddy:** BUT LIKE YURI ON ICE KNEW WHAT IT WAS DOING

**TattooDaddy:** EVEN BLACK BUTLER HAD A TRANS CHARACTER OUT THERE LIVING IN 1800’S ENGLAND

**TattooDaddy:** HAS THERE EVER BEEN AN APOCALYPTIC ANIME WITH GAYS????

**Actual Sunshine:** now that you bring it up????

**Actual Sunshine:** I can’t think of anything

**TattooDaddy:** the world has failed me

**Actual Sunshine:** more importantly though

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU WATCHED YURI ON ICE????

**TattooDaddy:** YOU DIDN’T?

**Actual Sunshine:** BITCH

**Actual Sunshine:** EVERY WEEK I WAS A SLUT WAITING BY MY COMPUTER FOR THE NEW EPISODE

**TattooDaddy:** HOW DID I NEVER KNOW THIS?

**Actual Sunshine:** I DON’T KNOW

**Actual Sunshine:** BUT IM NOT OKAY EVEN AFTER TWO YEARS

**TattooDaddy:** N O O N E I S O K A Y

**Actual Sunshine:** OKAY REAL QUESTION:

**Actual Sunshine:** THOUGHTS ON JJ?

**TattooDaddy:** I WANT HIM TO SHOVE HIS SKATES UP MY ASS

**Actual Sunshine:** M E

**TattooDaddy:** AND OTABEK????????

**TattooDaddy:** DO NT G E T M E S T A R T E D

**Actual Sunshine:** NOW THERE WAS A FINE ASS MAN

**Actual Sunshine:** I NUTTED SO HARD WHEN HE RIPPED YURIO’S GLOVE OFF

**TattooDaddy:** WHO WASN’T NUTTING?????

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU RIGHT

**TattooDaddy:** Hide you’re so amazing can we please get married now?

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta…..

**Actual Sunshine:** I thought you’d never ask

**TattooDaddy:** :D

**Actual Sunshine:** <3

**TattooDaddy:** question though

**TattooDaddy:** have you spoken to Kaneki lately?

**Actual Sunshine:** Sort of

**Actual Sunshine:** he texts me during his dates

**Actual Sunshine:** and I try to have conversations after or during the week but

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m finding it harder to due to him either going off only about work or his date

**TattooDaddy:** I’m guessing it’s too much sometimes?

**Actual Sunshine:** yeah..

**Actual Sunshine:** don’t get me wrong, I get work and dating

**Actual Sunshine:** I want him to be happy

**Actual Sunshine:** but I’m not his therapist

**Actual Sunshine:** I want to talk to my best friend about dumb stuff like we used to

**TattooDaddy:** I get that completely

**TattooDaddy:** you should tell him

**TattooDaddy:** Nothing will get solved if you choose to ignore him or simply give vague responses

**Actual Sunshine:** I know

**Actual Sunshine:** I just really miss him

**TattooDaddy:** I know Hide

**TattooDaddy:** but hey lets worry about this some other time

**TattooDaddy:** have fun at class tonight!

**Actual Sunshine:** You’re right ^^

**Actual Sunshine:** Thanks Uta, I’ll see you when I get home

**TattooDaddy:** anytime!

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Not Today**

**(4:31 p.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** I’m going to do something stupid

**Not Today:** Am I supposed to try and stop you??

**Toucan play at that game:** you could try

**Toucan play at that game:** but I’ll still do it

**Not Today:** then a) why tell me?

**Not Today:** and b) what is it?

**Toucan play at that game:** Remember Ayato?

**Not Today:** your brother?

**Toucan play at that game:** yeah him

**Not Today:** Touka this sounds more like a bad idea than a stupid idea

**Toucan play at that game:** just hear me out

**Toucan play at that game:** Ayato has been busy as hell lately

**Toucan play at that game:** he doesn’t have any friends besides me

**Toucan play at that game:** and he’s stressed 24/7

**Toucan play at that game:** I want to introduce him to Hide

**Not Today:** wait hold on

**Not Today:** you want to introduce Hide and Ayato?!

**Not Today:** I thought we all agreed NOT to set Hide up with anyone

**Toucan play at that game:** NOT LIKE THAT

**Toucan play at that game:** I just want Ayato to get out more and Hide is trying that too

**Not Today:** so you just want them to be friends?

**Toucan play at that game:** Yes

**Not Today:** I don’t know Touka

**Not Today:** Will Hide even want to be friends?

**Toucan play at that game:** My brother has a past yes but

**Toucan play at that game:** Kaneki and him made up, and if they did Hide won’t hold a grudge

**Not Today:** Mmmm I don’t know

**Not Today:** I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try

**Not Today:** but Ayato does anything and I break him

**Toucan play at that game:** He won’t do anything calm your tits

**Toucan play at that game:** Besides being grumpy from stress

**Toucan play at that game:** My brother is a good person

**Not Today:** Just saying to make sure

**Toucan play at that game:** Mhm

**Not Today:** So how do you plan on getting the two to meet?

**Toucan play at that game:** Well that’s where the stupid but really good idea part comes in

* * *

 

**Toucan play at that game - > Sperm 2.0**

**(4:52 p.m.)**

**Toucan play at that game:** bro I have a favor to ask of you

**Sperm 2.0:** you couldn’t have changed my name to something better?

**Toucan play at that game:** nah

**Toucan play at that game:** anyways

**Toucan play at that game:** I signed me and my friend up for a dance class

**Toucan play at that game:** only thing is

**Toucan play at that game:** I signed you up not me

**Sperm 2.0:** Excuse me?

**Toucan play at that game:** My friend is going to be there at 5

**Toucan play at that game:** class starts at 5:20

**Toucan play at that game:** Can you please go?

**Sperm 2.0:** Touka why the fuck didn’t you ask me before you planned this?!

**Toucan play that game:** You need to get out more and I knew you would say no

**Sperm 2.0:** damn right I would have

**Toucan play at that game:** Oh come on Ayato

**Toucan play at that game:** it’ll be fun and get you out there for a few hours

**Toucan play at that game:** if you really don’t like it I’ll cancel it

**Sperm 2.0:** I only have to go tonight?

**Toucan play at that game:** yes just tonight

**Sperm 2.0:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fine I’ll go

**Sperm 2.0:** send me the address

**Sperm 2.0:** You owe me big after this you shit

* * *

 

     Hide sighed as he checked his phone for the tenth time in the past minute. His phone’s clock read 5:10, Touka was ten minutes late and not answering her phone. The class started at 5:20 so she still had time, but they agreed to be there at five so as to check in and make sure everything was squared away. Closing his eyes, Hide decided to try and get a quick power nap in while he waited.

     “Excuse me Sir? Are you waiting for someone?” Hide opened his eyes to see a worker of sorts peering down at him.

     “Oh! Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make it look like I just came to crash on your sofas. My friend and I are in a dance class, I’m just waiting for her to arrive.” The worker nodded her head and smiled.

     “No problem! If she doesn’t show we could still get you in and have someone else be your partner for tonight?” Hide smiled.

     “That would be awesome! Thank you.” The worker nodded her head and walked away and into a hallway. Hide didn’t really want to be partnered with someone he didn’t know, but it would be a shame to let the class go to waste if he didn’t show. Checking his phone again, Hide groaned when it read 5:16. Sending out another text to Touka, Hide missed the door opening and a boy walk in.

     “Hey, Hide right?” Hide looked up from his phone with a smile on his face, expecting a coworker of sorts, but immediately frowned and shot up when he recognized who it was.

     “Ayato, you most likely know me. Sorry I know you were expecting Touka but she ended up tricking both of us with this. Long story short, she put my name down and not hers; so I’m your partner.” Hide didn’t answer, too dumbfounded by the entire situation. Ayato looked at him with a bored yet curious expression. Not getting a chance to answer though, a different worker entered the foyer.

     “Sorry to bother you two gentlemen, but are you Ayato and Hideyoshi? If so, class is about to begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for heteros came to me when I was actually watching the anime 'Swordgai' and saw its gay potential but was upset when everyone was straight (like okay guys whatever). What does everyone think about Ayato???? I've got big plans for this boy but for now he's just a tired boy wanting to sleep.
> 
> As always! Let me know what you think by dropping a comment or kudos ^^.


	13. You all need lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing

**Actual Sunshine - > Toucan play at that game**

**(7:15 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** TOUKA

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU BETTER ANSWER YOUR PHONE

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??????

**Actual Sunshine:** WHY DID YOU SEND YOUR BROTHER

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT WERE YOU T H I N K I N G

**Actual Sunshine:** I WANT AN ANSWER

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide :D

**Toucan play at that game:** did it go well? :D

**Actual Sunshine:** DON’T PLAY THAT WITH ME

**Actual Sunshine:** I WANT AN ANSWER

**Toucan play at that game:** oof you’re upset okay

**Toucan play at that game:** look Ayato doesn’t get out much

**Toucan play at that game:** he works all the time

**Toucan play at that game:** and has no friends

**Toucan play at that game:** since you’re both in the same boat

**Toucan play at that game:** I figured why not let you guys be friends

**Actual Sunshine:** why didn’t you tell me before I had to learn how to waltz with him as my partner?

**Toucan play at that game:** I knew you would say no

**Actual Sunshine:** still would’ve been nice to know.

**Toucan play at that game:** be mad at me later

**Toucan play at that game:** we need to talk

**Actual Sunshine:** Yes mother?

**Toucan play at that game:** have you spoken to Kaneki lately?

**Actual Sunshine:** yes and no

**Actual Sunshine:** I feel like he doesn’t want to talk?

**Actual Sunshine:** he just goes off about work or his dates

**Actual Sunshine:** AND DON’T GET ME WRONG

**Actual Sunshine:** I want him to be happy

**Actual Sunshine:** but I want to be able to talk about dumb stuff and the new video game we love to play

**Toucan play at that game:** Uh huh

**Toucan play at that game:** Have you actually told him or

**Toucan play at that game:** Are you avoiding your problems?

**Actual Sunshine:** what are you talking about?

**Actual Sunshine:** I never avoid my problems

**Toucan play at that game:** right okay

**Toucan play at that game:** well until you stop “totally not avoiding your problems”

**Toucan play at that game:** No more free drinks at the café

**Actual Sunshine:** :O Rude

**Toucan play at that game:** no just practical

**Actual Sunshine:** alright miss high and mighty

**Actual Sunshine:** ARE YOU TALKING TO KANEKI???? HMM??

**Toucan play at that game:** I’m blind suddenly I cant read

**Actual Sunshine:** -_-

**Toucan play at that game:** but seriously Hide

**Toucan play at that game:** He’s your best friend, don’t just ditch him

**Actual Sunshine:** I didn’t ditch him

**Actual Sunshine:** I just feel awkward

**Toucan play at that game:** baby life is awkward

**Toucan play at that game:** if you could survive your crush on him for years

**Toucan play at that game:** I think you can keep going

**Actual Sunshine:** Thanks Touka you’re right ^^

**Toucan play at that game:** Of course I am

**Toucan play at that game:** Now stop being a bitch and go hang out with your best friend

**Toucan play at that game:** Too much time around Uta can kill your brain cells

**Actual Sunshine:** how dare you

**Toucan play at that game:** : )

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(8:46 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Kaneki

**Centipede Fetish:** H I D E

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN ASS GOOD REASON

**Centipede Fetish:** FOR GOING COLD TURKEY ON ME

**Centipede Fetish:** YOUR B E S T F R I E N D

**Actual Sunshine:** I’M SORRY

**Actual Sunshine:** I honestly don’t have a good excuse

**Actual Sunshine:** and I really am sorry

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ve been receiving your date texts

**Actual Sunshine:** and im sorry to say

**Actual Sunshine:** but I was the one wearing the rabbit outfit which caused you to squirt coffee out of your nose

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU BITCH

**Actual Sunshine:** FORGIVE ME

**Actual Sunshine:** ILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU

**Centipede Fetish:** YOU BETTER

**Centipede Fetish:** because if I remember correctly

**Centipede Fetish:** I am the UNCLE of a cute puppy

**Actual Sunshine:** godparent ……

**Centipede Fetish:** GOD PARENT?????????

**Centipede Fetish:** you’ve been depriving me of my godchild?

**Centipede Fetish:** this is horrible Hide I’m sorry

**Centipede Fetish:** I’m taking you to court

**Actual Sunshine:** NO

**Actual Sunshine:** I CANT DO HARD TIME

**Actual Sunshine:** DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE MY BABY

**Centipede Fetish:** See you in court bitch

**Actual Sunshine:** T-T

**Centipede Fetish:** but seriously when can I see Kuroh again?

**Actual Sunshine:** Anytime you want!

**Actual Sunshine:** you have a key Kaneki

**Centipede Fetish: …**.

**Centipede Fetish:** oh yeah

**Actual Sunshine:** Wow so smart

**Actual Sunshine:** Is this the suaveness you lay out for your bf???

**Centipede Fetish:** HEY

**Actual Sunshine:** you really know how to get a man aroused

**Actual Sunshine:** stop Kaneki

**Centipede Fetish:** You’re such a bitch

**Centipede Fetish:** and spending way too much time with Uta

**Actual Sunshine:** *gasp* YOU TAKE THAT BACK

**Centipede Fetish:** NEVER

**Actual Sunshine:** F I N E

**Actual Sunshine:** THEN YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR CHILD AND ME

**Centipede Fetish:** DON’T YOU DARE

**Actual Sunshine:** watch me

**Centipede Fetish:** I WANT MY SWEATERS BACK THEN

**Actual Sunshine:** TOO LATE THEY’RE ALREADY PACKED

**Centipede Fetish:** DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

**Actual Sunshine:** SO SCARY

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU NO LONGER OWN THIS ASS

**Actual Sunshine:** I’M A FREE MAN

**Centipede Fetish:** WE’LL SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN I GET THERE

**Actual Sunshine:** TRY ME

**Actual Sunshine:** also can you bring coffee I’m out

**Centipede Fetish:** Already got it

**Centipede Fetish:** do you have anything to eat?

**Actual Sunshine:** Yeah I got some intestines and like three livers? And a jar of eyes

**Centipede Fetish:** Thank god I’m starving

**Actual Sunshine:** BUT ONCE YOU EAT IM LEAVING

**Centipede Fetish:** NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH

* * *

 

**Not Today - > TattooDaddy, CandyAss, Toucan play at that game, and Drunk Bitch**

**(10:10 p.m.)**

**Not Today:** *audio file sent*

**Toucan play at that game:** WHAT THE FUCK NISHIKI

**TattooDaddy:** YEAH WHAT THE FUCK????

**Drunk Bitch:** ARE THOSE MOANING NOISES???!!!

**CandyAss:** wow Nishiki gets laid

**Not Today:** THIS ISN’T ME YOU IDIOTS

**Not Today:** THIS IS HIDE

**Toucan play at that game:** WHAT THE F U C K

**Drunk Bitch:** BUT YOU’RE STRAIGHT

**CandyAss:** WHY ARE YOU RECORDING IT YOU SICKO

**Not Today:** LET ME FUCKING EXPLAIN

**Not Today:** IM OUTSIDE HIDE’S DOOR

**TattooDaddy:** SO YOU RECORDED HIM MASTURBATING???????

**Drunk Bitch:** WHAT THE FUCK NISHIKI

**Not Today:** LET ME FUCKING FINISH

**Not Today:** I came by because he told me earlier he was running low on organs and such

**Not Today:** so yeah it’s late but I’m bringing them over sue me

**Not Today:** and I’m about to knock when I hear noises and this happened

**Toucan play at that game:** SO YOU RECORDED HIDE GETTING IT ON

**TattooDaddy:** WHAT IF HE’S IN TROUBLE

**CandyAss:** NISHIKI STILL RECORDED IT I MEAN

**Drunk Bitch:** THAT’S SICK YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED NISHIKI

**Not Today:** YOU ALL WOULDVE WANTED PROOF ANYWAYS SO FUCK YOU

**Not Today:** BUT LIKE MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT DO I DO????

**Toucan play at that game:** YOU KNOCK AND PRETEND YOU DIDN’T TAKE VIDEO OF IT

**TattooDaddy:** I agree just knock I mean you can just leave it if he doesn’t answer

**Not Today:** OH MY GOD HIDE JUST YELPED AND I HEARD A BUNCH OF THUMPS

**Toucan play at that game:** STOP EASE DROPPING YOU PERVERT AND JUST LEAVE THE SHIT AT THE DOOR

**Drunk Bitch:** KNOCK AND RUN AWAY

**Not Today:** WAIT

**Not Today:** OH SHIT

**Not Today:** HIDE JUST SAID KANEKI’S NAME

**CandyAss:** WHAT THE FUCK

**TattooDaddy:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Toucan play at that game:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Drunk Bitch:** WHAT THE FUCK

**CandyAss:** LEAVE BEFORE YOU HAVE KANEKI FIGURING OUT YOU’RE THERE

**Not Today:** I TRIPPED SHIT

**Not Today:** EVERYTHINGS QUIET

**Not Today:** “Kaneki where are you going?”

**Toucan play at that game:** You’re dead

**Drunk Bitch:** RUN BITCH

**Not Today:** KANEKI OPENED THE DOOR TO ME TEXTING

**Not Today:** IM RUNNING SO FAST OH MY GOD

**Not Today:** KANEKI GRABBED ME WITH HIS KAGUNE

**Not Today:** GUYS IM SCARED

**Toucan play at that game:** YOU’RE A GHOUL TOO JUST USE YOUR KAGUNE BITCH

**Not Today:** TOO LATE

**Not Today:** HE’S PULLING ME BACK IMFNDAKJ48

**TattooDaddy:** SHIT

**Drunk Bitch:** SHOULD WE GO HELP??????

**CandyAss:** WELL MAYBE IF HE DIDN’T BE A FUCKING NOSEY ASS

**CandyAss:** HE’D BE ALIVE

**_Actual Sunshine joined the conversation_ **

**TattooDaddy:** SHIT

**Drunk Bitch:** SHIT

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!

**CandyAss:** Nishiki thought you were getting laid and freaked out when he tried dropping off your stuff

**Actual Sunshine:** WHAT?!

**Toucan play at that game:** he said he heard you screaming and thumping and all that jazz

**Actual Sunshine:** oh my god

**Actual Sunshine:** guys,,,

**Actual Sunshine:** *image sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** Kaneki came over

**Actual Sunshine:** we’ve been having a nerf gun fight for two hours

**CandyAss:** …..

**Toucan play at that game:** ….

**Drunk Bitch:** …..

**TattooDaddy:** SO HARDCORE SEX SOUNDS THE SAME AS NERF GUN FIGHTS????????

**_Toucan play at that game kicked TattooDaddy_ **

**Actual Sunshine:** THIS IS WHAT GOT YOU ALL HOT AND BOTHERED????

**Actual Sunshine:** no wonder Nishiki looked ready to piss himself when Kaneki grabbed him

**Not Today:** IM ALIVE

**_Centipede Fetish joined the conversation_ **

**Centipede Fetish:** HE BIT MY KAGUNE

**Actual Sunshine:** Kaneki everyone needs lives

**Centipede Fetish:** I could’ve told you that

**CandyAss:** shit they’re teaming up

**Drunk Bitch:** ABORT

**Centipede Fetish:** are like

**Centipede Fetish:** you all okay????

**Toucan play at that game:** no they’re not

**Toucan play at that game:** who was winning the nerf gun war?

**Actual Sunshine:** ME

**Centipede Fetish:** NO

**Actual Sunshine:** TICKLING ME TO GIVE YOU MY BULLETS SO I COULDN’T SHOOT YOU IS CHEATING

**Centipede Fetish:** STILL CANT SHOOT ME

**Toucan play at that game:** I mean

**Toucan play at that game:** Hide he has a point

**Centipede Fetish:** SEE

**Actual Sunshine:** BITCH

**Actual Sunshine:** GET BACK TO MY APARTMENT AND WE’LL SEE

**Centipede Fetish:** FINE

**_Actual Sunshine and Centipede Fetish left the conversation_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** did they just leave????

**CandyAss:** I mean goodbye klfankja

**Drunk Bitch:** SHIT YOMO USED A KEYBOARD SMASH

**Toucan play at that game:** If only Uta could see this

**Drunk Bitch:** oh right he got kicked out

**CandyAss:** should we add him back?

**Toucan play at that game:** nah

**Drunk Bitch:** nah

**CandyAss:** okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't know what I'm doing 
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	14. Uta is a maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is up guys?? Sorry for the late update but this story be going places. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Just a quick F.Y.I. my next semester will be jam packed so updates may be once a month but I will try for twice a month. So basically how the updates are right now. Sorry about this guys, but I hope you enjoy where this will be going!!!!!

**Centipede Fetish - > Not Today, Toucan play at that game, TattooDaddy, Actual Sunshine, CandyAss, and Drunk Bitch**

**(3:05 a.m.)**

**Centipede Fetish:** guys I have a serious question to ask

**Not Today:** kaneki its 3 in the FU CKING MORNING

**Centipede Fetish:** are you trying to tell me you actually sleep?

**TattooDaddy:** lol I don’t

**CandyAss:** lmao I do : ))))))))

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki I stg do you want a repeat of last time

**Not Today:** ah yes

**Not Today:** how this shit show started

**Toucan play at that game:** im too tired to care rn so im letting someone else take over my responses

**_Toucan play at that game added Sperm 2.0_ **

**Toucan play at that game:** laterrrrrrrr

**Sperm 2.0:** wtf is this?

**TattooDaddy:** who the fuck are you?

**Sperm 2.0:** the name doesn’t give it away?

**Sperm 2.0:** its ayato ?

**Drunk Bitch:** damn Touka Is harsh

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo ayato!

**Sperm 2.0:** Hi?

**Sperm 2.0:** who are you?

**TattooDaddy:** doesn’t the name give it away?

**Sperm 2.0:** bitch

**TattooDaddy:** it’s Hide

**Sperm 2.0:** ……

**Sperm 2.0:** fitting

**Sperm 2.0:** let me guess

**Sperm 2.0:** tattoodaddy is Uta

**Sperm 2.0:** centipede fetish is kaneki

**Centipede Fetish:** hide picked it out

**Actual Sunshine:** :D

**Sperm 2.0:** that’s all I can guess

**CandyAss:** I’m Obama

**Drunk Bitch:** I’m drunk

**Not Today:** Nishiki

**Sperm 2.0:** so itori is in here too

**Sperm 2.0:** yomo ??

**TattooDaddy:** BABE HE GOT YOU

**CandyAss:** I crave death

**Sperm 2.0:** mood

**Sperm 2.0:** why am I here?

**Centipede Fetish:** to answer my question

**Sperm 2.0:** no water is not wet and pidgeons do have feelings

**Sperm 2.0:** can I go tf back to sleep now?

**Centipede Fetish:** …….

**Actual Sunshine:** OH MY GOD KANEKI WERE THOSE SERIOUSLY THE QUESTIONS?!

**Actual Sunshine:** THAT’S IT GET TF OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE MY COUCH

**CandyAss:** Ayato how tf?

**TattooDaddy:** yeah tf???

**Sperm 2.0:** I have a sister

**Sperm 2.0:** plus I’ve been in a few group chats in my life

**Centipede Fetish:** fuck you Ayato

**Sperm 2.0:** Nah not my type

**Sperm 2.0:** maybe Uta

**Sperm 2.0:** Hide is okay

**Actual Sunshine:** HA TAKE THAT UTA IM OKAY

**TattooDaddy:** bitch tf????

**TattooDaddy:** how am I a maybe??

**CandyAss:** be happy you even got a maybe

**TattooDaddy:** B IT CH

**Sperm 2.0:** nishiki you’re not even on my list

**Not Today:** thank god

**Drunk Bitch:** and me?

**Sperm 2.0:** sorry itori im not swinging your way

**Drunk Bitch:** fair enough

**Actual Sunshine:** what about yomo

**Sperm 2.0:** yomo is top of the list

**CandyAss:** I’m

**TattooDaddy:** HOW IS YOMO ABOVE ME

**Actual Sunshine:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Not Today:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Centipede Fetish:** oh shit

**Sperm 2.0:** you played yourself Uta

**TattooDaddy:** I hate this family

**Drunk Bitch:** mcscuse me

**TattooDaddy:** except you <3

**Drunk Bitch:** good better not

**Actual Sunshine:** okay well if this was it then I’m going back to sleep

**Sperm 2.0:** Alright

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki get out of my house

**Centipede Fetish:** D:

**Centipede Fetish:** you wont make me leave

**Centipede Fetish:** not if I do this

**Actual Sunshine:**???

**Actual Sunshine:** KANEKI JUST NARUTO RAN INTO MY ROOM

**Actual Sunshine:** HELP

**CandyAss:** im leaving bye everyone

**TattooDaddy:** yomo how come you never Naruto run into my room?

**CandyAss:** because the one time I walked into your room to wake you up

**CandyAss:** you threw ink at my face and I couldn’t see for an hour

**TattooDaddy:** oh yeahhhh

**Drunk Bitch:** well this was wild

**Drunk Bitch:** im gonna go watch the incredibles

**Sperm 2.0:** syndrome dies at the end

**Drunk Bitch:** we all been knew

**Actual Sunshine:** KANEKI RAN INTO MY ROOM AND FLOPPED ON MY BED

**Actual Sunshine:** I CANT BREATHE

**Actual Sunshine:** KUROHS BARKING

**TattooDaddy:** YES KUROH ATTACK HIM

**Sperm 2.0:** what tf is going on in this chat???

**CandyAss:** hell 99% of the time

**Drunk Bitch:** 1% of the time it’s memes

**Actual Sunshine:** KANEKI WONT GET UP

**Not Today:** good luck

**Actual Sunshine:** BITCH

**Sperm 2.0:** see ya at class Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** Bye Ayato!

**TattooDaddy:** yomo come over

**CandyAss:** no

**_CandyAss has left the chat_ **

**TattooDaddy:** guess ill die

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Sperm 2.0**

**(4:28 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** Yo Ayato!

**Actual Sunshine:** Hope it’s okay, I took your number from the group chat

**Sperm 2.0:** hey Hide

**Sperm 2.0:** yeah that’s fine

**Sperm 2.0:** what’s up?

**Actual Sunshine:** Not a whole lot

**Actual Sunshine:** Just finished work so I’m gonna head home and take care of the puppy

**Sperm 2.0:** you have a puppy??

**Actual Sunshine:** YES

**Actual Sunshine:** TOUKA DIDN’T TELL?

**Sperm 2.0:** you know shockingly my sis doesn’t tell me everything

**Actual Sunshine:** HA fair

**Actual Sunshine:** hold up

**Actual Sunshine:** *image sent*

**Actual Sunshine:** me and le puppy

**Sperm 2.0:** adorable

**Sperm 2.0:** name?

**Actual Sunshine:** Kuroh!!

**Sperm 2.0:** from K Project???

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta picked the name

**Sperm 2.0:** that makes sense

**Sperm 2.0:** have you been practicing??

**Actual Sunshine:** YES THANK YOU VERY MUCH

**Actual Sunshine:** I will not step on you

**Sperm 2.0:** lol I doubt that

**Actual Sunshine:** bitch

**Sperm 2.0:** oooooooo

**Sperm 2.0:** Jesus swore

**Actual Sunshine:**!!!!

**Actual Sunshine:** aight listen here you.

**Sperm 2.0:** im listening :D

**Actual Sunshine:** :O

**Actual Sunshine:** You are so Touka’s brother wtf

**Sperm 2.0:** I sure hope so

**Actual Sunshine:** STOP

**Sperm 2.0:** that’s what she said

**Actual Sunshine:** BYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts!!! I'm starting the Hide and Ayato friendship. ^^ Thank you guys for reading!!
> 
> Come yell at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


	15. dicks out for Nicholas Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So same speech of how life has been a bitch and I literally had no motivation to write and hit a writer's block. BUT thankfully I got hit with an idea and boom this chapter came to life! I can't guarantee that the next chapter will be soon but I will try to have a new chapter up by latest next month and so on :D
> 
> and also to the one who commented about No.6: THANK YOU SO MUCH YES YOU'RE RIGHT! That anime/manga was/is fantastic. I love it so much what a gift from the Heavens.

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(2:42 a.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** IM GONNA SMOKE CRACK AND ECSTASY

**Centipede Fetish:** HIDE WHAT THE FUCK

**Actual Sunshine:** JOHN MULANEY DID IT

**Actual Sunshine:** WHY CANT I???

**Centipede Fetish:** DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

**Actual Sunshine:** OH YEAH

**Actual Sunshine:** TRY AND STOP ME

**_Centipede Fetish added TattooDaddy and Not Today_ **

**Centipede Fetish:** TELL HIDE NOT TO DO DRUGS

**TattooDaddy:** DO DRUGS

**Not Today:** I’m literally vaping right now

**Actual Sunshine:** HAH

**Centipede Fetish:** you guys are the worst

**_Centipede Fetish added Toucan play at that game and CandyAss_ **

**Centipede Fetish:** Tell Hide not to do drugs

**Toucan play at that game:** don’t do it

**CandyAss:** do it safely

**Actual Sunshine:** Yomo: the cool parent

**TattooDaddy:** I LITERALLY SAID DO DRUGS

**Toucan play at that game:** You always say do drugs

**Actual Sunshine:** yeah

**Centipede Fetish:** Guys Hide literally wants to do drugs

**CandyAss:** I mean why though?

**Actual Sunshine:** John Mulaney did it

**TattooDaddy:** I LOVE JOHN MULANEY

**Not Today:** Same

**Toucan play at that game:** Me too

**CandyAss:** he screamed gay rights in the 1930’s

**TattooDaddy:** and fell in love with a black and white spiderman

**Toucan play at that game:** UTA KEEP YOUR WEIRD ASS FANFICTIONS OUT OF THIS

**TattooDaddy:** YOU CANT STOP THE TRUTH

**Not Today:** Wait what did I miss

**Toucan play at that game:** NO DON’T START HIM

**TattooDaddy:** IM GLAD YOU ASKED

**Actual Sunshine:** wait is this what I think it is

**Centipede Fetish:** No please Uta don’t do this

**TattooDaddy:** but Nishiki asked and I must comply : )

**Not Today:** now I’m even more curious,,,

**Toucan play at that game:** NO

**CandyAss:** excuse me while I jump off a bridge

**TattoDaddy:** so in the new animated spiderman movie

**TattooDaddy:** John Mulaney plays spiderham

**TattooDaddy:** and Nicholas Cage plays spider noir

**Centipede Fetish:** WAIT GUYS WE CAN KICK HIM

**Toucan play at that game:** OH FUCK DUH YEAH

**Actual Sunshine:** NO WAIT

**_Toucan play at that game kicked TattooDaddy_ **

**CandyAss:** sweet release

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m sad

**Not Today:** Now I’m just even more confused

**Toucan play at that game:** keep that out of my goof Christian chat

**Centipede Fetish:** goof

**_Toucan play at that game kicked Centipede Fetish_ **

* * *

 

**Not Today - > TattooDaddy and Actual Sunshine**

**(3:48 a.m.)**

**Not Today:** Uta

**TattooDaddy:** shit Nishiki texting me first

**Actual Sunshine:** I’m here too

**Not Today:** yes thank you Hide

**Actual Sunshine:** :o

**Not Today:** Anyways

**Not Today:** since you were kicked

**Not Today:** feed me more on the spidermen

**Actual Sunshine:** Nishiki I will pay you to never say ‘feed me’ ever again

**TattooDaddy:** I AIM TO PLEASE

**TattooDaddy:** So as I was saying

**TattooDaddy:** in this movie all these different versions of spidermen come to this one dimension and spiderham and spidernoir are gay

**Not Today:** im afraid I don’t follow

**Actual Sunshine:** Uta this is your OTP

**Actual Sunshine:** CANT YOU ACCURATELY DESCRIBE ITS ROMANCE

**TattooDaddy:** OKAY OKAY SORRY JEEZ

**TattooDaddy:** so in the spiderman comics there are multiple universe and timelines, meaning different spider people for each one

**TattooDaddy:** The movie brought in just a handful of these spider people, two of them being spiderham and spider noir

**Not Today:** okay I’m following

**TattooDaddy:** while they barely have any screen time, the two had a few bonding scenes and close shots that caused a couple fans to go ‘hmmm’

**TattooDaddy:** so since John Mulaney is spiderham, I said that he fell in love with a black and white spiderman

**Not Today:** Oh I see

**Not Today:** and noir is a human

**Not Today:** spider ham is a, pig?

**TattooDaddy:** You got it in one babe

**Not Today:** Is this a fucking bee movie ship????

**Actual Sunshine:** GASP

**TattooDaddy:** BLASPHEMY

**Actual Sunshine:** YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW

**TattooDaddy:** IT IS A WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT SHIP

**TattooDaddy:** YOU SHOULD BE HANGED FOR SPEAKING SUCH A THING

**Actual Sunshine:** I AGREE

**Not Today:** I regret wanting to know

**TattooDaddy:** You begged to be fed

**Actual Sunshine:** don’t cry because we did our jobs

**Not Today:** You’re right I played myself

**Actual Sunshine:** exactly

**TattooDaddy:** so since we know when we are not wanted

**TattooDaddy:** Babe I believe you know what to do

**Actual Sunshine:** Yes my love

**_Actual Sunshine kicked TattooDaddy_ **

**_Actual Sunshine left chat_ **

**Not Today:** I regret even more now

* * *

 

**Sperm 2.0 - > Toucan play at that game**

**(6:43 p.m.)**

**Sperm 2.0:** *image sent*

**Sperm 2.0:** hey why are Uta and Hide crying while watching National Treasure at Best Buy?

**Toucan play at that game:** why the fuck are you at Best Buy?

**Sperm 2.0:** to buy a movie??

**Sperm 2.0:** that’s not the point

**Toucan play at that game:** it’s a long story

**Toucan play at that game:** but tbh its Hide and Uta

**Toucan play at that game:** they probably have the hots for Nicholas Cage

**Sperm 2.0:** you don’t?

**Toucan play at that game:** YOU DO?????

**Sperm 2.0:** I mean we all saw Sorcerer’s Apprentice

**Toucan play at that game:** I am so not having this conversation right now

**Toucan play at that game:** go join the ‘dicks out for Nicholas Cage’ club

**Sperm 2.0:** honestly don’t need to tell me twice

**Toucan play at that game:** I hate this fucking family

**_Toucan play at that game added TattooDaddy and Actual Sunshine_ **

**_Toucan play at that game left chat_ **

**TattooDaddy:** Ayato?

**Sperm 2.0:** my dick has been out for Nicholas Cage since I was 5

**Actual Sunshine:** I’ll rewind the movie

* * *

 

**Actual Sunshine - > Centipede Fetish**

**(11:27 p.m.)**

**Actual Sunshine:** hey kaneki

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki

**Actual Sunshine:** kanekkiiii

**Actual Sunshine:** kkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiii

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki its importanttttttttt

**Actual Sunshine:** kaneki

**Actual Sunshine:** k

**Actual Sunshine:** a

**Actual Sunshine:** n

**Actual Sunshine:** e

**Actual Sunshine:** k

**Actual Sunshine:** i

**Centipede Fetish:** FOR FUCKS SAKE WHAT HIDE IM ON THE TOILET

**Actual Sunshine:** I can’t reach the remote

**_Centipede Fetish left chat_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like I don't want anyone spreading hate about Nicholas Cage thanks (#dicksoutfornicholascage2k19)


End file.
